Dissonant Symphony: 100 More Royai Songs
by jacksparrow589
Summary: Because Chaotic Sonata was so much fun, same song, second verse! In other words, the same themes, but different songs and different stories ranging all over the timeline of Royai, mostly manga based. Mostly K and K plus, with a few T throughout.
1. Military Personnel

**1. Military Personnel**

**Song: "King of Anything" by Sara Barreiles**

**Takes place during Roy's apprenticeship, early-on.**

"So they actually tried to force you?" Roy asked, astonished.

Riza nodded. "Well, first, they tried coaxing me, telling me that if my father became a State Alchemist, my standard of living would improve, and then, when I refused to let them in, they threatened to report my father for neglect and said I'd become a ward of the state."

* * *

_The furious fifteen year old Riza stood planted firmly on the porch, hands on her hips as she glared up at the two men who had come to the door. "How __**dare**__ you! Coming here and making those claims—you have no legal hold over my father or myself, nor do you have sufficient grounds for arresting my father for neglect, let alone accusing him of it, and if you don't leave right now, our neighbors will help you leave. We don't take kindly to you around here, so I'd suggest you leave before you have a riot on your hands!"_

* * *

Riza grinned a bit ruefully. "I don't even know if my neighbors would have backed us up, or if what I said was legally true. I just knew I had to make them go away."

"_Wow,_" Roy murmured, quite impressed. "You're… That's… amazing. I don't know many other people who could stand up like that. It's ironic, though; you'd be a great drill sergeant."

Riza gave him a very sideways look. "Thanks… I think… but I could never be a soldier."

"I probably shouldn't have said that," guessed a very sheepish Roy.

Nodding in a manner that told Roy he was stating the obvious, Riza pointed out, "Well, at least you're honest; another type that doesn't do so well in the military."

Laughing somewhat nervously, Roy suggested, "Yeah, well, maybe things will change some day."

Riza stared at him rather intensely for a moment, and Roy was starting to wonder just how transparent he was when finally, in a contemplative tone, Riza agreed, "I really hope so."

**A/N: The song I chose is very much Riza responding to the military people.**

**So, same song, 2nd verse. I'm crazy enough to go for it, and to update every other day. I actually have 89 of them written right now, but I will go back and edit them as I go if you bring up parts that need it. In any case, I always reply to reviews, so please, don't be shy! Let me know what you think!**

**Here's to round two! -(raises glass)-**

**~js589**


	2. Gunshot

**2. Gunshot**

**A/N: Song: "Dear Agony" by Breaking Benjamin.**

In the weeks following Maes's death, Roy noticed that Riza was going to the shooting range somewhat less frequently than usual. While she probably didn't need all the practice she usually got, Riza was a firm believer in both practice and habit.

She didn't even draw her guns as often, seeming to hesitate a fraction of a second longer even when she needed it, and she'd flinch just a bit when she heard a gunshot.

Roy noticed the same sort of changes in himself, as well, and he didn't notice the connection between Maes's death and the slow transformation until Havoc suggested that it might be the case, noting that he had been very gun-shy for a year after Ishval.

When asked how he got over it, Havoc shrugged. "One day, you wake up, and you've come to terms with what happened. You don't forget—you just find that it doesn't hinder you anymore. Nobody blames you, Chief. Maybe you should stay away from the field for a while; sometimes that actually helps."

Roy finally plucked up the courage to talk to Riza about it later that day, and found that she'd gone through the same sort of mentality after Ishval. (Now that Roy remembered, he'd had a period like that with alchemy, too.) She agreed that Havoc was right about staying out of the field. "We'll stay out of the field, and, someday, we'll find that it doesn't hurt as much. But that doesn't mean we have to forget, Sir—I doubt we ever will."

**A/N: And, of course, the angst is back. I just can't seem to write happy ones! (Then again, the theme isn't exactly conducive...)**

**What do you think? Drop me a line!**


	3. Battlefield

**3. Battlefield**

**Song: "Eden" by To Destination (Opening theme from Yami no Matsuei)**

**Takes place during Ishval.**

They floated through Ishval as if in a horrible nightmare. A nightmare that would continue to haunt them every sleeping and waking moment until they made things right, and even then, it might not stop there.

They were caught in a spiral of darkness and despair, a vortex that sucked in all light and happiness (what brief moments there were of the latter), and tried its best to drag their bodies around twists and turns, dash them on the jagged sides of the caverns of uncertainty, and tear them apart from each other and their own souls.

Did they even have souls anymore? They had to wonder sometimes.

But some day, some day they'd be free of the torment and the agony, if they fought hard enough, and that led to an even more haunting and urgent question: even if they had themselves, each other, and others to rely on, how long could they really hold out against the rest of the world?

**A/N: I'm such a sucker for Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness in English). It's the only shonen-ai anime I remotely like, and that's just 'cause it's so damn creepy! As a result of my liking both YnM and FMA, I've come to draw parallels between the characters of Tsuzuki and Roy, and Hisoka and Riza. (For those interested, for the character of Muraki, I think the closest match would be Kimblee, except that I can see him being more interested in Riza than Roy, and… I'm gonna stop right here before I ram my foot any further into my digestive tract, having passed the mouth and esophagus quite a ways back.)**


	4. Grave

**4. Grave**

**A/N: Song: "Never Say Never" by the Fray **

**Takes place sometime after chapter 108.**

It was a pleasant day. Some sun, a few clouds—it was peaceful, if not entirely happy. Riza stood in the cemetery, a bunch of flowers in her hands. As she talked, she absently turned them over and over. "You always told him to get a wife. I wished you wouldn't, even though—_especially_ because—you always looked at me after you said that. I know what you meant, but it wasn't the right time or the right place… But now it is, and he'll never say it, but I know he wishes you were here to see it… and I wish you were, too." She shook her head and let out something between a sob and a laugh. "Even though you'd probably just say 'I told you so', and gush about your wedding and Gracia and Elysia. But I miss that. We all do.

"Sometimes, I wonder if you're watching. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm trying to make myself feel better. Maybe I just wish we had the brother none of us ever had here to celebrate everything he worked so hard for… everything that he gave his life for.

"I know you'd say that I shouldn't be standing here talking to dead people who can't hear me, and that I shouldn't feel guilty that I wasn't able to stop what happened. I'll always feel that way, though, but it keeps me honest. It keeps all of us honest.

"So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help. I'm sorry that Gracia and Elysia and the rest of us are missing an amazing man. And thank you. Even if it's the only way I can live with what's happened, I have to accept that, as horrible as it was, somehow, it was for the better." She gently placed the flowers on the grave and turned, wiping her eyes with a cathartic smile. "Why am I not surprised that you're here?"

Roy stepped forward to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "That was beautiful," he said quietly. "I know you wish that you weren't saying it here, and I do, too, but like you said, we have to accept it and move on as best we can."

Riza nodded. "Best not to keep the living waiting."

"Especially us," Roy agreed as they made their way out of the cemetery. "We've waited long enough."

**A/N: The song I chose for not letting go of the possibility that things would work out. And here, they did! (Majorly-they're on their way to their wedding, if that wasn't clear.)**

**Too subtle? Not subtle enough? Just right? Let me know!**


	5. HeikiWeapon and HeikiFine

**5. Heiki (Weapon) and Heiki (Fine)**

**A/N: Song: "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson**

It was their secret—neither of them would ever tell.

There were days when Riza was concerned, but, for whatever reason, could do nothing but stand by and watch as Roy wallowed in self-loathing and self-pity.

Those were the days when she would quietly excuse herself under the pretense of running some sort of errand.

If anyone had paid close enough attention, they would have noticed that those were the days Maes would come barging in, arms loaded with his not-so-secret weapon of photos, a genuine smile on his face, and an odd but unmistakable glint of determination in his eyes. He would jabber at Roy for the better part of an hour some days, and others, it would be barely ten minutes, but the result was always the same.

Oddly enough, Roy always felt better afterwards. When asked, "How are you doing?" he could honestly answer, "Fine", and Riza would regularly check in to make sure of this.

She would excuse herself again, a slip of paper on the stack of papers she set off to deliver. This slip would go to Maes, and it had gotten to the point where he knew who it was from without a name on it, because it was always the same note: "Thank you. I'm glad there's someone who can bring him around when I can't."

**A/N: I wanted to use both "weapon" and "fine" explicitly, but things just didn't work out that way. So, "weapon" is implied. But it's there! (I try to use the words from each theme as explicitly as possible in each drabble. Don't ask me why; I don't know.)**

**Well, what do you think of this particular spin on the theme? Leave a review! I don't bite!**


	6. Death

**6. Death**

**A/N: Song: "Safest Way Into Tomorrow" by Trans Siberian Orchestra**

It was always there in the military, and while many were just thankful, or even took for granted that they were alive at the end of the day, Roy could never let himself get off so easily. Death was a fact he had to accept, but if it came down to it, he would fight to his last breath to see his dream come true before he was made to let go.

There was only one way to escape it some days. Ironic as it was, he would take a nap, or just go to bed early. There, anything was possible, even the transcendence of such finality as death. There, he was sometimes invincible, and though he had the occasional nightmare that made sleeping as much of a hell as being awake, he would always come out of it knowing that he was alive, and, on those mornings and those afternoons and those nights, whether he woke feeling rested and ready to take on the world or whether he bolted upright, drenched in sweat and strangling a scream, it was enough to prove that Death hadn't claimed him yet.


	7. Crime and Punishment

**7. Crime and Punishment**

**A/N: Song: "All For Love" by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting**

**Takes place several years post-108, after Roy becomes Führer. **

Chris had always raised Roy to stand up for himself, to speak out when he felt there was a wrong that needed to be addressed.

Well, he'd done that, and it had almost cost him those dearest to him. It was as though he had been punished so severely for a crime that he'd almost died for it. himself.

But now that he'd made it to the top, he'd see to it that such a reaction would no longer be the immediate response for someone acting with only the best intentions, even if Roy knew and had experience with the fact that they often paved the road to hell. After all, the lessons that stick best are the ones you learn through hardship, and there had certainly been enough of that to go around in the past.

There would always be lessons that needed learning and re-learning, but for now, it was more important that Roy had those he cared about most back by his side.

**A/N: I considered ending this with a joking line about Riza standing up against miniskirts, but I'm trying to stay true to character, and, as much as Roy puts that womanizer image out there, I'm fairly certain he respects women more than that.**

**As to the song: it's standing up for what you believe in.**


	8. Storelined Streets

**8. Store-lined Streets**

**A/N: Song: "Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison **

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

What would she like? Roy wondered as he strolled the streets of Central's shopping district. He had lived around women of all ages for most of his life, and yet, when it came to one Riza Hawkeye, he felt woefully ignorant of what exactly she was interested in.

With just five days to Riza's birthday, and his "vacation" back to Central over in just two, he wanted to bring her something special, something that she couldn't get just anywhere, but something that wouldn't make her feel indebted to him.

Kitchen supplies? No—that would make it seem like Roy saw her as a servant, and Riza would know better what she wanted and needed.

Jewelry? Oh dear God, no! What if she hated it? What if it sent the wrong message? There were too many ways for it to go wrong, and not nearly enough for it to go right to even justify considering it as an outside option!

Books were a possibility, but, as with kitchen supplies, Riza was the type to choose her own books, and the reading material she brought home was forever surprising Roy—the young woman certainly had a wide range of interests.

Finally, just as he was about to give up, it was Chris, of all people, who suggested that he make the sweets his mother had made when he was younger. Roy had always loved them, and he had noticed that Riza had something of a sweet tooth, too.

The first batch turned out horribly, but, after re-reading the recipe and clarifying with Chris, Roy managed to produce a sufficient amount of sweets to constitute a present. He added a card, stuck the package in his trunk, and waited.

* * *

"Well?" Roy asked anxiously. "Are they any good?"

Riza nodded, smiling. "They're lovely. How did you say you made them again?"

_A lot of swearing, an entirely unusable batch, and so much frustration that I just about hurt someone._ "I'm not sure I could replicate it. I'll have Chris send the recipe with her next letter," Roy compromised.

"Thank you." Riza stood and shyly kissed him on the cheek. "This was very, er, sweet of you, Roy." Riza seemed to roll her eyes at herself, but her high spirits were quite evident as she left the room.

Roy lifted a hand to his cheek, a goofy grin spreading across his face. _But really, no matter how bad it was at the time, that smile… and that kiss… were totally worth it._


	9. Unknown Past, Before We Knew Each Other

**9. Unknown Past/Before We Knew Each Other**

**A/N: Song: "Am I Ever Gonna Find Out" by Lifehouse**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Roy didn't ask about Riza's relationship with her mother, and she never supplied any information. He couldn't find the words, and it wasn't his business, anyway, and as much as he knew both those things, he couldn't convince himself that he didn't want to know. The past shaped the present, after all, and Roy had a hard enough time as it was figuring out some of the simplest things about Riza.

Somehow, he had to break free of the bonds of curiosity and just accept that there were some secrets he never would know, regardless of how badly he wanted to. Secrets had a way of hurting both those who kept them and those who wanted to know them.

However, whether it was dealing with the secret of Riza's mother, or secrets in general terms, Roy had the feeling that the possibilities of hurting and getting hurt weren't going to stop him.


	10. Promise

**10. Promise**

**A/N: Song: "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence.**

She'd promised she'd shoot him. And Riza Hawkeye always kept her promises, or tried to. Those who couldn't keep the promises they made—whether they knew it from the start or not—could never truly help those who committed themselves to keeping their promises, no matter the cost.

Riza had always been able to keep the promises she'd made in the past. It was something of a point of pride, even if they weren't promises she'd been happy to keep, but it was part of why people looked up to her. If only they knew all the things she'd agreed to. Sometimes, she hardly knew, herself.

As she gazed into the mirror, she couldn't help the jolt of anger that passed through every nerve. By promising to shoot him, she'd betrayed him, her father, and herself.

_He'd warned me this would happen._ Riza grinned sardonically. _He'd promised. And my father always had a way of keeping his promises._

There was no way she could save Roy or herself this time, and there never would be, as long as she intended to keep her promise. _If _she ever had intended to in the first place. So, to keep the promise, or not?

This was one battle Riza Hawkeye knew she wasn't going to win.


	11. Liar

**11. Liar**

**Song: "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem feat. Rihanna (Yes, I know full-well that this song is about a wife-beater. I do **_**not**_** condone that behavior, but I'm going to stop there before I **_**really**_** get going. Just please ignore that connotation and replace it with a guy who just keeps making mistakes.)**

**WARNING: While not graphic, the implied situation in this drabble is one of the reasons this collection is rated T.**

"Liar," Riza sneered accusingly. "After Ishval, you said this'd never happen again."

Roy chuckled mirthlessly. "Takes two to tango—you know that just as well as I do."

"But it takes just one superior to force his subordinate—" Riza started nastily before Roy cut her off.

"Like anybody'd believe that I could force you." Roy met her gaze evenly. _"You_ don't believe it, and for good reason—it wouldn't happen. You wouldn't allow it, and I wouldn't try, anyway. And you wouldn't so much as consider using that as an excuse because the only thing worse than a dirty liar is—"

"—a filthy hypocrite," finished Riza. She sighed. "You know the worst part? I _should_ hate you, and I _should_ hate me. But I can't and I don't: I hate the _rules_. If they weren't in place we could…" But she trailed off, knowing that it wasn't true. They couldn't, and they wouldn't. Not with so much at stake.

So why was it any different now, then? "What does it all _mean?"_ she murmured, pulling her shirt back on.

"It means just what it's supposed to mean. At least, to me," Roy answered. He placed a hand on hers, making sure he had her full attention before continuing. "I could pay someone, and I'm sure you could get all the unmarried guys in Central and half the married ones, too, so why keep coming back?" He smiled softly.

"But what are we going to do if it all comes crashing down?" Riza worried. It was a pretty legitimate concern, sometimes, whether due to their own faults or the occasionally indirect, sometimes unintentional interferences of others.

Roy's brief smile faded. "We won't let it," he assured her in all seriousness. "We can't afford to—no matter what else we say that about, saying it about this is absolute."

"Don't you know there's no such thing as absolutes?" asked Riza sadly. Her eyes were filling. Why the hell was she trying to end this? Why couldn't she just keep it under wraps, like so many other things? Why was "I just don't want to" such a compelling reason now when it rarely was anytime else?

"No, actually, I don't," Roy countered. "If I believed that, I'd never have gotten to where I am, no matter how little progress it really is." His tone grew gentle again, but the sentiment was just as earnest as, if not more so than, before. "I hate this just as much as you do, but I'm not going to screw around on you, and there's no way in Hell I'm giving up on us. I'm lying if I say I'm going to."

"So I should be happy that you've lied all along," Riza clarified. With Roy's nod, she sighed and almost-smiled, feeling almost-relieved. "Sometimes—_most_ of the time—I really think I am. So maybe… maybe that's one lie it's better to just keep on pretending to live."

**A/N: So, I'm sure we've all asked ourselves the question: did they or didn't they, and when? My guess: they did, and probably early on, before everything got complicated. But I just don't think this would be the result. (Too many distractions.) Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Usually, I don't care. But this little scene would **_**not**_** leave me alone, so I wrote it.**


	12. Proof

**12. Proof**

**A/N: Song: "Pre-Parade" by Rie Kugimiya (Al's Japanese VA!), Eri Kitamura, and Yui Horie. Choice explained at the end.**

**Another T-rated one, and for the same sort of ideas as 11, but nowhere near as dark.**

**Bucking my usual trend of having young Havoc live in the same town as young Riza-they didn't know each other until the military for this one.**

"_What?" _Havoc sputtered, nearly losing his cigarette. "The Chief and you… _what?"_

"You're making it sound like something it wasn't, Havoc." Riza sighed. "When the Colonel and I were younger and he was learning alchemy, he was my father's student. He didn't live close to us, so he had to live in our house. What, may I ask, is so wrong about that?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! I just… you surprised me, is all." Having regained his composure, Havoc took a drag on his cigarette before continuing, in a slightly more mischievous tone, "But if you lived together before, who's to say you don't now?"

Riza shot him a deadly glare. "That's dangerous territory, _Second Lieutenant Havoc_. I could report you for slander."

Havoc grinned wolfishly. "Says the woman who's now going on the defensive. I demand proof that you two aren't living together! And not just that it's against the rules—we all know that's hardly ever followed."

"We live in separate apartments, Havoc. You helped me unpack, and you've seen the Colonel's—what more proof to you need?" Riza wanted to know.

"That means nothing! You're just maintaining a front!" declared Havoc. "What better alibi than to have your friend help you unpack and maintain the apartment?"

Just about at her limit, Riza snapped, "Fine. You want proof? Think about it this way: if I were living with the Colonel, I'd probably have three children and be pregnant again by now. And I'm not pregnant, nor have I ever been."

Havoc skipped right past pink and turned a nice shade of red well on its way to a sort of eggplant-y purple as Riza strode past him back into Central Headquarters, murmuring, "That'll teach you to question me, now, won't it?"

The only thing Havoc could do was nod. Then and there, he made a promise to himself never to ask Riza about her personal life ever again.

**A/N: Let me clarify: Riza's basically playing off Roy's reputation, saying that if she and Roy lived together, they'd be going at it like rabbits, with much the same result. (Kinda funny that this one comes after what I wrote for 11, though I swear I didn't intend it that way!) In short, she's messing with his head. I'm sure Havoc probably knows better about Roy later on, but please, suspend your disbelief for this one?**

**Now, the song: "Pre-Parade" is the first opening of "ToraDora!", an anime in which the main characters pretty much live together, but don't tell anyone. I chose this song simply because of that. (Okay, I like it, of course, but that should be obvious.)**


	13. Betrayal

**13. Betrayal**

**A/N: Song: "Don't Turn Around" by Ace of Base. **

"How _could_ you?"

Riza didn't say the words—she didn't need to. Her expression said it all when she opened the door to find Roy dressed in the military uniform.

This wasn't good. Roy needed an ally in this fight, and he'd clearly just betrayed his best bet.

To be fair, though, it wasn't really Riza's fault; she'd told Roy about her family's view of soldiers, but really, Roy thought, she could put forward a little effort to be open to the idea that not all soldiers were scumbags out only for power and wealth.

"Well, are you going to come in?" The invitation was clearly made only out of propriety.

Roy stepped in and shut the door after himself. "Thank you."

Riza almost snorted. "Don't. You're a soldier, now—you can just take what you want."

"_Hey._" Roy hadn't meant to speak so sharply, but Riza's having done so made him more than a little angry. "I didn't barge in, I thanked you, and I'm going to explain if you'd just give me the chance."

"We gave you a chance!" retorted Riza. "See what you've done with it!"

"I haven't done anything!" argued Roy. "You're making assumptions about me where you never did before. This uniform seems to have changed you more than it's changed me. I'm not just going to stand here and take insults. If you're prepared to give them, be prepared to get them back!" He took a breath to calm himself down. "I just came to talk to your father. To _talk._ Not to make demands or anything. When I'm done, I'll be gone, and I'll never bother you again if that's what you want."

Riza crossed her arms. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions," she mumbled, just observing another formality.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Roy offered, hoping that it would either get Riza to apologize for that, as well, or help her at least start to realize that he was still very much the same person.

It certainly didn't do the first, and Roy could see no indication of the second, but at least when Riza spoke, it wasn't as harsh as before. "Well, I suppose you should go talk to my father then."

"Thank you," Roy said politely. "I will."

As he ascended the stairs, he refused to believe he was betraying them. He really did want to help, even if they couldn't see it.

One way or another, he'd have to convince at least Mr. Hawkeye. His dream depended on it.

Somehow, though, he knew that he would have to convince Riza of his good intentions, as well, and he got the feeling that of the two, she'd be more difficult about it.

Well, standing around never produced anything. He'd just have to go for it, and hope that, in the end, he didn't inadvertently betray them, because an unwitting betrayal was often the most destructive.

**A/N: I also considered "Too Little, Too Late" by JoJo for this.**


	14. Covered Eyes

**14. Covered Eyes**

**A/N: Song: "Two For Tragedy" by Nightwish.**

**At the end, as it were, of Roy's apprenticeship.**

They watched as the coffin was lowered in. The undertaker started to gently but otherwise impassively lift the dirt from the pile next to the grave.

All through the funeral, Riza had remained as stoic as a girl who had just lost her father could possibly be. But now, she paled a little. As the shovel moved toward the grave, she clutched Roy's arm, turned, and buried her head in his shoulder.

Roy watched the undertaker for any cues, but he hardly so much as responded but for the inkling of pity that seeped into his expression for a fraction of a second.

It was all too much to bear. Riza had tried to hold it together—she really had, and now, to break at the final moment… Roy knew how that felt. He was feeling it all over again right now. Slowly, he wrapped an arm around Riza.

This time, if the undertaker noticed, he gave no indication. In his experience, it was best to just get things over with.

* * *

Later, they sat in the living room, facing each other, neither really speaking much except for half-hearted attempts at normal conversation just for the sake of being reassured that the other was still there.

Riza squeezed her eyes shut and dashed the tears from her cheeks as they started to fall again. "I'm a coward," she pronounced, her voice tight with emotion.

Roy looked at her and shook his head, though he knew she couldn't see. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!" Riza protested.

"How?" Roy demanded softly. "How are you a coward?"

"I couldn't face it. I turned away when I should have been able to watch. I feel like I've disrespected my father by not acknowledging that he's gone," she whispered.

"That makes two of us," Roy murmured, looking at the ground before slowly raising his eyes to meet Riza's.

Curiosity flickered in Riza's gaze.

Roy sighed. He knew how Riza felt, now that he, too was forced to admit it. "I didn't put my arm around you just to comfort you—it was so I could cover my own eyes, too."

**A/N: The song is about a mother and son who lived and died together, presumably from some sort of illness, or possibly in childbirth, but I feel somehow that it could also describe mourners.**


	15. The scent of blood

**15. The scent of blood**

**A/N: Song: "A Song of Storm and Fire" from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles.**

**Right after Roy vs. Lust.**

Though the place was filled with the stench of rotting bodies and all sorts of other horrible things, Riza could swear she could still smell Roy's blood from across the chamber.

She probably could, too—she'd smelled burned blood before; in Ishval, and shortly thereafter when it was her own.

Somehow, it never got any easier.

"Colonel!" She scrambled over to him.

The smell of burned flesh mixed with blood still oozing from the wounds was almost overpowering. In between their exchanges, Riza gagged several times, and the idea of what might have been nearly made her lose what little control she had over the process. It was ironic, though—the scent that told her he should be dead was the same one that told her that, against all odds, he had survived.


	16. Reaching Voice, Unreachable With a Voice

**16. Reaching voice & Unreachable with a voice**

**A/N: Song: "Crush" by Aidan Hawken**

Roy's first attempts to talk to Riza didn't go over very well, surprisingly because of Roy.

He'd find a safe topic, summon his courage, open his mouth, and… nothing. Half the time, he'd wind up staring at her with his mouth open as if ready to speak, and whenever she asked him if he had anything to say, he immediately clammed up, shaking his head as his cheeks pinked.

What was so hard about talking to her, anyway? Riza was a nice, good-looking girl. Roy was a generally polite, relatively handsome guy.

Maybe that was the problem, he thought one day. If he tried, no matter what he said, Riza might see it for what it was…n't. Wasn't! _Wasn't!_

After all, it's not like he _liked_ her or anything—no, that was a _bad_ idea, and it wasn't gonna happen. He wouldn't let it.

That was only because it already had.


	17. Scars

**17. Scars**

**A/N: Song: "Rain" by SID**

**The backstory behind this is in reference to my short story, "Just One of Those Days", which is a side story of my larger fic, "Kingly Ambitions". The short version: Roy had a nosebleed and Riza cut her hand on the same morning.**

Whenever Roy saw the scar on Riza's palm, his nose ached.

The scar had faded over the years, not that it had been so terribly bad to begin with. The two events had hardly been related, but it reminded Roy that sometimes, he was incapable of protecting those around him. Call him crazy, but he had this theory that scars tended to link people for life.

_Why me? What did I do to deserve such a long road?_

He'd known it was going to be long, and he'd known it was going to be lonely, but even knowing what's coming never quite prepares you for what actually happens. And really, it wasn't as bad as it could have been—not by a long shot.

Still…

Roy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. No matter how simple or complicated he tried to make it, seeing that scar would always make his nose hurt. That was just the way it was.


	18. I don't want to realize

**18. "I don't want to realize"**

**A/N: Song: "Every Heart" by BoA**

**Set after 108.**

It was just one of those days. Roy had been looking out the window constantly and sighing every five minutes.

The strange thing was, it was done. Roy had made it. It was done. No more big struggle, no more homunculi.

So why, Riza wondered, couldn't he just take a few moments (that, granted, she had frequently told him not to take in the middle of things) and just relax and be happy?

Seeming to sense the question, Roy finally explained, "I don't want to realize that it's over, because then there's nothing left for me to do."

"You didn't just promise to make it to the top; you promised to protect those under you once you were there. You need to stay here, and that's going to be a fight. I promised I'd stand by you to the end. If I'm still here, you've still got work to do." A small, almost playful smile graced Riza's lips. "Don't think you can get off so easily, Sir."

Roy grinned ruefully. "Never. Not while you're still around." He grabbed a pen and the closest report, then glanced back up at Riza for a moment. _I'd never let you go, anyway._


	19. Things one cannot understand

**19. Things one cannot understand **

**A/N: Song: "30 Minutes" by t.A.T.u.**

**Set at some ambiguous time during Ishval.**

**There is a bit of language and implied sex in this one, so if you don't like to read T-rated stuff, skip out now.**

They should be used to it, but they aren't.

Day after day after goddamn day, they get up and go out and fight and kill and destroy, and they know it's not getting anybody anywhere, but what choice do they have? It's not like they started this war, but they're going to end it, or it's going to end them, and most days, they don't know which is worse.

And so they steal what little time they can. Sometimes, it's with each other. It doesn't really matter—anyone will do, because then at least they can convince themselves that they aren't the only ones going through this hell, that they aren't the only murderers, and maybe even that the only person that ever really matters is one's self.

But in those rare moments with each other, they know that that's not true, that they're doing this _because_ other people matter, and while it makes everything that much more painful, the fact that other people can care for each other—that they might blunder all their lives just to prove it—brings them a twisted sort of hope. In war, in destruction, in senseless violence, they have found each other, and when it's just them, that's all that matters.

They don't understand war; they just know that it is what it is, and so they have to deal with it however they can.

**A/N: I started with only the last line. I wanted to use it as the first line, but it kept on getting shifted down as I wrote and wrote all that horrible stuff.**** I'd like to think it turned out well, though. What do you think?**

**On a slightly related note, thank you for 2000 hits and 27 reviews so far! To the following reviewers, my gratitude is almost infinite: Lou Nebin (who is there almost every chapter), Red Amaranth, RoyxRizaFan, GeMikanXIII, hand-made-city, Starry Pink, and Hellocloser. As these fine people can attest to, I try to reply meaningfully to every single review, and I appreciate your feedback more than you know.**


	20. Murderer

**20. "Murderer"**

**A/N: Song: "Lying From You" by Linkin Park**

**Set after Ishval. Roy, first person.**

"You can't blame yourself. This was my _choice_," she insists. "It always has been. In fact, it was my choice to give you the secret to flame alchemy. I'm the one who unleashed the monster."

"You didn't force me to fight that war," I argue. "I had made that choice before I was your father's apprentice."

"And I made my choice knowing that you'd made yours," she points out.

I'm not going to win, and I hate myself for it. She's trying to convince me that she's the monster only because she's trying to show me that I'm not. But we both know that it will never work.

By the same turn, it occurs to me, neither of us is the _real_ monster. The real monster is the mass of fear and hate and greed. The state took our innocence, our naïveté, and made it into a weapon of mass destruction. We wanted so badly for things to change that we were willing to dirty our hands, knowing that to do so was at odds with what we wanted.

Whether I'm a murderer or not doesn't matter now, because I will be when all's said and done. The only way to stop this killer is to become a carbon copy, and I really hope that she won't choose to follow me again, because I won't be able to protect her. Her following the orders of a murderer once was bad enough, but it was something I could at least try to shield her from. If I become what I fear most, and she follows me, she'll be an accomplice.

Or worse—she'll be the next victim.

**A/N: Other song considered: "No More Sorrow" by Linkin Park**


	21. Repentance, Confession

**21. Repentence/Confession**

**A/N: Song: "Nemo" by Nightwish**

**Post-chapter 108. Roy's finally becoming Führer!**

It had started slowly enough at first, but now it was absolutely pouring.

Riza stared out the window, seeming to be trying to will it to stop.

"I know I'm not a fan of rain, and I suppose that it annoys you when I'm useless, but I doubt even you have the power to make it stop." Roy stepped up beside her. "I don't relish the thought of having to stand out there and give a speech to begin with. Maybe I can use this as an excuse to make it short…?"

"They'll have a canopy for you, Sir," Riza reminded him.

Roy nodded. "I know. It's anyone who bothers to stand out in the rain for me that I'm worried about."

They were silent for a moment, then Roy spoke again. "It's actually kind of nice."

Riza turned to look at him. "Sir?"

Roy shrugged. "Call it cheesy, but I feel like it's cleansing everything, like I'm being given a fresh start." He looked over to Riza. "I'm not going to screw things up like I did. I know I'll always be the Hero of Ishval one way or another, but I hope they'll remember me first as the man who atoned for what he did." He resumed watching the rain.

It was another moment before Riza spoke again, so softly that he almost missed it. "However much it means, I'll remember, even if nobody else does."

It meant the world to Roy to hear her say it, but he couldn't tell her that. He could never tell her that she was much of the reason he was working so hard to atone.

That, he had a feeling, was punishment enough.


	22. God

**22. God**

**A/N: Song: "Open Your Eyes" by Blue Stone (Just sort of a sense of confusion/resolution) **

There were days Roy wondered at how (dis)similar he and Ed really were.

Ed made no secret of his thoughts about belief in a God: anybody who believed was only fooling themselves. You couldn't depend on God for anything.

Roy supposed this made sense. While he'd let the chips fall where they might, he'd never blamed a higher power when things had gone wrong, nor thanked one when things had gone right. It was clearly a combination of his own skills and some luck—there was no other way to think about it.

But Ed's insistence was so vehement that Roy had begun trying to look for cracks in his argument, at first just to irk the young man, and then later, to make him think.

It was Lieutenant Hawkeye, however, who finally managed to make Ed fumble.

He'd been ranting about Liore again, reminded for one reason or another, and she'd calmly looked up and asked, "And your Truth, your equivalent exchange… They aren't the ultimate power? You've said it, yourself: it's impossible to go against them. They alone determine if alchemy works or not. It's entirely out of your hands."

As much as Roy had wanted to congratulate the Lieutenant, and as much as he wanted to rub it in, Roy could only find that he agreed, that she had made _him_ see things in a different light, as well.

Roy had always known that those who were the most distanced from an issue were the ones who tended to see it with the most clarity. Although her father's having been a brilliant alchemist had undoubtedly helped, Riza had used no more than the average person's knowledge about alchemy to knock down Ed's fourteen years of prejudice.

Maybe there was a God out there, after all.

**A/N: I kind of laughed to myself while writing this. I live on-campus at university, and I've met my fair share of firm believers of all sorts, and I couldn't help but imagine what a… er… **_**conversation**_** between any two might sound like.**


	23. Someone I Want to Protect

**23. Someone I want to protect**

**A/N: Song: "Hurry Up and Save Me" by Tiffany Giardina**

**Roy, first person POV.**

She didn't need protection, especially not mine. What security could I offer her when she was the one always saving me? It wasn't fair, childish as that sounded. But then I remembered: she was guarding me to make it to a place where I could protect her. She might not have seen it that way, but I certainly did.

And there was more: I _had_ tried to protect her all along so that she'd still be around to safeguard when I got to the top. Call it chivalrous or call it chauvinistic; I knew all along that she didn't need me, that she'd be just fine on her own, but that didn't stop me from wanting to do what I could to keep her safe. If that doesn't tell you how precious she is to me, and how precious she's always been to me, then you're hopeless.

**A/N: Okay, so I decided to use the song before I remembered all of the lyrics. Then, I listened to it again, and I completely cracked up, but I HAD to keep it for this one. You understand, I'm sure. (If you don't, here's a crash course on me: I have one of the most warped, skewed, dark, sarcastic and otherwise twisted senses of humor on the planet.)**


	24. Not There

**24. Not there**

**A/N: Song: "Labyrinth" by Oomph! (More the video than the song, but it works…)**

**After 72**

If things kept up the way they were, Riza knew she wasn't going to last long at all.

Her eyes darted around the apartment constantly. Even as she tried to sleep, she could not keep her eyes closed for more than five minutes, and when she did manage to keep them shut, they still moved, and she stayed tense and alert, ready for any attack.

_Hayate will know if something's wrong,_ she tried to convince herself. _I know when something's wrong—that's how I figured this out in the first place._

…_And that's why I'm in danger._

Riza's eyes snapped open and she sat straight up. She glanced at the telephone, hoping against hope that it would ring again.

But even if, by some miracle, he did call again, she knew that Roy knew something was wrong, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to talk him out of trying to help.

She'd always been able to face her fears head-on before (with the notable exception of Roy's supposed death), but she'd never been afraid of her own shadow. She'd never had reason to fear it.

Now that she did, Riza wondered just how long she could hold out when there was nothing else she could do. She knew that the second she gave up, it was over, but, though she hated herself for it, she found herself wishing that it would be. It would be only then that she would no longer be a threat to herself.

Or worse, to Roy.

**A/N: Left, right, straight ahead, you can't get out of here… Yeah, the lyrics aren't as pretty in English, but they're as true as they are in German. Pride's got Riza right where he wants her.**


	25. So I'm Crying

**25. "So I'm crying"**

**A/N: Song: "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback**

**Takes place sort of in the middle of 108, just after Riza's been stitched up, so I'm assuming Roy is still blind.**

Riza Hawkeye hated painkillers. Absolutely loathed them. She didn't like the feeling of not having all her wits about her.

On the other hand, there was something to be said for their remarkable ability to, well, kill pain. She had no doubt that she would be in absolute _agony_ at the moment if not for the drugs.

Not that he was trying to cause her pain, but Roy's arms encircling her, as careful as he was being, were definitely having an effect on the stitches.

"I thought I was going to lose you. Even though you refused to die, I had no idea how that wasn't going to happen," he murmured.

"Until that girl appeared, I didn't, either," she admitted, speaking slowly enough that she was able to keep the medicated slur out of her words.

After that, neither spoke for several minutes until Riza tried to brush something from her collarbone. When her hand located the annoyance, she found it was moisture. "Sir…" She pulled away just a little. "You're crying."

Roy nodded, but made no attempt to hide his tears. "So I'm crying. At least my eyes can still say how I feel."

**A/N: Just like a lot of these, I started with the last line and a general summary and worked from the start to where it met the finish.**

**This one turned out pretty sappy, I have to say, but even Royai has its sappy moments, and there aren't enough of them in this collection. I will try to fix that, or at least not make it so angsty.**

**And now, time for public thank-yous to the amazing reviewers! First off, to Lou Nebin and Red Amaranth, who have reviewed pretty much every single chapter. (I understand that it can take a lot of time to do so, so this is an above-and-beyond thing, not a standard I'd dream of holding anyone, myself included, to. Even just favoriting this and/or putting it on alert means a LOT to me, too!) And now, to those other wonderful people who have let me know what they think in no uncertain terms: RoyxRizaFan, GeMikanXIII, Lain-san, hand-made-city, StarryPink, and SomethingOrOtherAlchemist.**

**To the rest of you: please review! I try to respond to every single one, no matter how short, and I swear I don't bite! If there's something you really like or really dislike, I want to know!**


	26. Cureless

**26. Cureless**

**A/N: Song: "Whispers in the Dark" by Skillet **

"Curiosity killed the cat."

So the saying went, and, especially when applied to him, Roy found himself on the brink of agreement. He always seemed to be sticking his nose where it didn't belong, and tonight was no exception.

He hadn't meant to ask so bluntly, but it had just slipped out, or had started to. "So, what exactly… never mind."

Riza looked up from her book. "What exactly… what?"

Cringing, Roy tried to craft the question as delicately as possible. "Your father… He seems… His health isn't… What is it?"

In a way that confirmed just how badly he'd mangled it, Riza shrugged nonchalantly. "We don't know, but whatever it is, it's cureless. He's dying, and don't tell me he isn't. In the end, though, it'll be the same thing that kills all of us, the one thing that always has been and always will be incurable: being human."

Roy held her gaze. "I wasn't going to try to give you false hope. I was just going to say that I'm glad he has someone who will support him all the way through, even to his final hours. We all need someone like that." Silently, he added to himself, _I think we've all found somebody like that here, whether we want to acknowledge it or not._

**A/N: It seems to me that alchemists are very curious bunch, and that they like to learn. I can see Roy as one of those people who tends to take it to the next level, sometimes before he realizes what he's doing. But he'll make up for it in the end. He always does.**

**Whether and/or what you liked, disliked, or even if you had something amazing for breakfast, I want to know! Please leave a review!**


	27. Dependency

**27. Dependency**

**A/N: Song: "You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman**

"I understand it's an addiction, but addictions by their very nature are unhealthy! How can you depend on something that does you more harm than good?" Riza wanted to know.

Havoc took a drag on his cigarette. "First, I'd like to point out that you don't know for sure if I'll die from smoking before I die from old age or getting killed in action or choking on my lunch, so I'll thank you not to imply that Death is just waiting in the wings. Secondly, I'd venture to say that we all depend on something in some way shape or form. Cigarettes, food, a certain person…" he trailed off.

Riza shook her head. "Don't play that game with me, Havoc. It'll only end badly for you."

Havoc held up his hands in surrender. "I didn't mean anything about you and anyone!" he insisted. "You already know, anyway. It's the same person who depends on you, who always has and always will. For as good as you usually are at hiding it, it'll always come out somehow." He stubbed out the cigarette and contemplated it. "Some ways are just more obvious than others."

**A/N: This one was one of those ones where I knew I had the option of going totally cliché and writing something totally mushy and/or angsty, but then it occurred to me that Havoc's addiction to cigarettes could be seen as dependency, and since I like having him have sibling-like talks with Riza, I thought this would work splendidly.**

**What do YOU think? Please let me know!**


	28. Pain and Wounds

**28. Pain & Wounds**

**A/N: Song: "Die Another Day" by Madonna **

There were days it hurt just to breathe.

After any close call, there was always a period of time where they acted as if nothing had happened, in the hopes that maybe it would all just go away.

But then, somebody would inevitably ask, "So, does it still hurt?"

Always. It always hurt, because it was a reminder that something went wrong. Not even that everything went wrong, but something that should have gone right didn't, and that was cause enough for pain.

Every time, the answer was yes, but that "yes" led to the same revelation every time: if one is still alive, life goes on whether one wants it to or not, and the victory of survival was enough to outweigh the pain of defeat.

No matter how many times they were hurt, and no matter how badly, they had to survive, to keep getting up and moving forward. It was the only way.

**A/N: I kinda want to say this is set during the transfer, but I don't think it fits. Maybe post-Ishval. Not post-manga-too angsty for that!**

**I want to know what you're thinking! Hit that little button, mash random keys (and maybe some not-so-random ones...?), and send it!**


	29. Existence

**29. Existence**

**A/N: Song: "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall **

**Takes place during Roy's apprenticeship.**

"I bet it doesn't even really exist," Roy muttered one afternoon.

"What doesn't exist?" Riza asked.

Roy had forgotten he wasn't the only one in the room. Pink tingeing his cheeks (he was going to sound so stupid!) he admitted, "The Philosopher's Stone."

Riza shot him a sideways look. "But isn't that the goal of alchemy? To make something so perfect that it transcends all other substances?"

"Perfection doesn't exist," Roy responded hotly. When Riza didn't say anything, the pit of his stomach sank through the floor. If he didn't believe in the Philosopher's Stone, was he really cut out for alchemy?

But then, slowly, gently, Riza smiled. "There should be more alchemists… more _people_ like you. People who can think."

And, even if just for a moment, Roy felt as though he'd glimpsed the Philosopher's Stone itself. He still held that perfection didn't exist, but with Riza, it didn't need to.

**A/N: D'aww… Roy's falling for her so badly!**

**This is another one that could easily have been angsty, but I'm trying to do more in the way of fluffy and cute. It might not always be rainbows and sunshine and ponies, but doom and gloom really wears you out after a while!**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**


	30. Invisible

**30. Invisible**

**A/N: Song: "Invisible" by Clay Aiken**

**During Roy's apprenticeship. (Not that he necessarily **_**wants**_** Riza at this point, but he's glad that she recognizes that he's there.)**

Roy sat up straight and stretched, feeling something crack. Gross? Maybe. But it felt _good._

He stood and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Upon entering, he found Riza preparing dinner.

And suddenly, without any warning from even his own brain, Roy spoke. "Hey, Riza, what's your favorite color?"

Riza turned and gave him a quizzical look. "Light purple?" The way she intoned it, it was clear that she was uncomfortable with this admittedly abrupt start.

He could hardly apologize for talking to her, though. "Er, what about your favorite season?"

Riza surprised him by not answering his question and instead asking one of her own. "Aren't you going to tell me what your favorite color is, first? Or do I not get to know anything about you?"

Roy was rendered temporarily speechless before he realized that she was _teasing_ him. Well, he certainly hadn't expected _that._

"Green. I like green," he said finally, a smile beginning. "And now will you tell me what your favorite season is?"

* * *

Roy relaxed back into the chair, a satisfied grin on his face. What he had thought would last five minutes had turned into half an hour, and ended only because their respective tasks had required their undivided attention. He'd ask more at dinner, though—Roy was certain of that much.

He hadn't intended for the conversation to last so long, but he was glad he was starting to get to know her at last.

**A/N: You know what I normally ask for here.**


	31. Home Cooking

**31. Home Cooking**

**A/N: Song: "Stay Beautiful" by The Last Goodnight (Applies only to the first bit, I think…)**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Roy had a habit of appearing whenever food was being made, Riza noticed.

The first couple of times, he'd just stood in the doorway, staring in an intense way that sort of unnerved her (all right, _really_ unnerved her, if she was being honest) until she asked why he was there.

"I'm learning. Or trying," had been his response.

"Learning how to cook?" Riza had been surprised. "You can't just stand there and watch; you have to _do_. You know that, right?"

"But you're so good at it. I wouldn't want to screw it up."

Riza had just stared at him for a moment after that. Was Roy even aware of what he was saying? Probably not, she decided. Yes, she could cook, and it usually turned out well, but it was often simple fare. Finally, she asked, "Who cooks at Chris's?"

Roy shrugged. "Who do you think? I'm the one with the most time, so I do the bulk of it, but since the girls are always out, and I had my own schoolwork to do, it's usually just heating stuff up."

"It's not like I actually make anything special," Riza pointed out.

"You still do it well," Roy argued. "That's better than a poorly-made fancy dish any day. You don't need to be flashy to be considered good at something. And trust me; you're more than good."

Riza was surprised that she didn't drop her spoon, but Roy knew he'd overstepped his bounds. He smiled apologetically. "I'll leave you alone, now."

"You don't have to," was all Riza could think to say.

"I've distracted you enough," Roy told her. "And I want to have _some_ compliments left for dinner."

Neither of them missed the pinking of Riza's cheeks as Roy left the kitchen. Everything he'd said had been true, though—he'd made sure of that. People needed to be told truthfully that others appreciated them. By Roy's guess, that didn't happen nearly enough for most people, if Roy had to guess, almost never for Riza.

Well, he was going to change that.

**A/N: Companion to 67, "Quirks".**

**And Roy's habit of appearing whenever food is being made stems from my own propensity to hover in the kitchen like there's no tomorrow.**


	32. Shirt

**32. Shirt**

**A/N: Song: "True Colors" by Phil Collins**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Roy liked spring more than any other season. The days were usually more than fair, breezy but not outright brisk, and pretty much the very definition of pastoral.

That went doubly for laundry days.

While each person did their own underthings for modesty reasons, Riza did most of the rest of it.

Now, she was hanging shirts out to dry, pinning each one carefully to the line so that it would dry quickly without blowing off.

The gentle breeze caused the clothes to sway in the wind, almost mesmerizing him, when suddenly, he was smiling. It was childish, but he had to tell Riza, he just _had_ to.

* * *

Riza sighed and looked off in the general direction of the cemetery. Twelve years…

"Are you okay?"

She whipped around. It was just Roy. "Oh… Yes. I'm fine." She sniffed just a little, the breeze flapping the clothes around enough to hide the noise.

"Look." Roy pointed at the shirts. "They're holding hands."

Riza stared blankly between Roy and the garments for a moment before breaking into a smile and giggling just a little. "Really?"

Roy looked almost offended. "Yes, really!"

Still chuckling, Riza shot Roy a grateful look. "Thank you," she murmured.

"Hmmm?"

He hadn't heard, then. That was fine; Roy didn't need to know everything. It was better that way. There was enough sadness in the world—the last thing she wanted was for one more person to have one more reason to be unhappy, especially someone who could bring so much joy to others for in the simplest of ways.

Looking back at the shirts one last time, Riza grinned again and hurried to catch up as Roy started for the house.

**A/N: I think this one was influenced by watching "Castle" for some strange reason…**

**And, just in case anyone's wondering, Riza's sad about her mother's death, which I have arbitrarily chosen to be spring.**


	33. A Walk

**33. A Walk**

**A/N: Song: "Green and Gray" by Nickel Creek**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship**

Roy was going to go stir-crazy if he had to stay in the house another minute.

He didn't care about the how or the why—he had to get out.

Fortunately, before he could tear out of the house like a madman (but as he was on his way to the door), Riza announced that she was going grocery shopping.

"Oh. Are you going somewhere?"

Roy shoved his hands in his coat pockets. "Nowhere in particular… Might I accompany you?"

Riza nodded, pulling on her coat. "It's just as well. I have a lot to get."

Rolling his eyes, Roy smiled. That Riza was comfortable enough to make him into a sort of errand boy boded quite well, but this wasn't exactly how he'd envisioned spending his Saturday afternoon. Still, if it meant Riza's company, he wasn't going to refuse.

SCENE

Two hours later, Roy had two bags of relatively heavy groceries, but was quite content. As unsure and inane as the chat had started off, it had turned to subjects that had given Roy a little bit more insight into the mystery that was Riza Hawkeye. He suspected she was conscious of it on some level, and was telling him only what she thought was safe, but it didn't mean any less that he was slowly gaining her trust.

He didn't need to know everything about her, and she didn't need to know everything about him. Each just needed a friend, and that much, Roy was sure they'd found in each other.

**A/N: The song is a reflection of how much a mystery Riza still is to Roy.**


	34. Telephone

**34. Telephone**

**A/N: Song: "Somebody Told Me" by the Killers (Not as a serious song, but as a reminder of just how weird things get.) **

**Post-manga… sort of. During the two-years skipped at the very end.**

God, the story changed every time he heard it. So much that sometimes, it was unrecognizable at all.

Sometimes, he was the villain. Sometimes, he was the hero. Sometimes, he took on an army of a million single-handedly.

Sometimes, he died. And then somehow came back to life.

Which, as it happened, was not the case, though it had been for just about everyone else.

It was like that game he'd always played as a kid—the one where the secret was passed from one person to the next, and when it was finished, you were lucky if the even the sounds resembled what it had started as.

Maybe they would be the only ones who would ever really know the facts. They'd been through so much, nearly watched each other die several times over, and had somehow managed to come out.

At least those facts never changed.


	35. Letter

**35. Letter**

**A/N: Song: "What About Love?" by Heart (Using this song makes me feel so old... and it predates me by 5 years!)**

The envelope weighed unusually heavy in Riza's hand. It was thick, too. How could he possibly have had time to write so much? He'd been gone only a day.

Granted, it had felt much longer than that, but that had been the course of things since her father's death.

Sighing, she carefully slit open the letter. A single sheet fell with a jingle into her hand. She unfolded it.

Dog tags. Roy's dog tags.

Riza was so surprised that she almost forgot the paper. Perhaps it was only a wrapping, but knowing Roy, it wasn't.

Sure enough, there were some words (not hastily scrawled, for once) where the dog tags had been. The three sentences were simple, but Riza's eyes grew wide as she read them.

_You taught me everything I need to know. All that I've gained is yours, and it always will be. Never forget that._

And she'd let him leave because she thought it was the right thing to do. Maybe it had been, but now, she wasn't so sure. She hurried to grab a pen and a piece of paper. This demanded a response, and now.

But how to respond, when she hardly knew what her own questions were?

Somehow, she knew it wouldn't matter too much. Roy had understood far more than she'd given him credit for.

Far more, Riza was beginning to think, than she herself would ever know.

**A/N: The note around the dog tags is basically a proposal, Roy-style. More of an "I'll take care of you" thing, but still...**

**Continued in 36, "Dog".**

**And thank you for 75 reviews and 5000 hits! You guys are awesome, and I'm glad you're enjoying these enough to keep coming back! If you haven't let me know what you think, please do! Be prepared to be thanked profusely if you do, though. :P**


	36. Dog

**36. Dog**

**A/N: Song: "Live to Tell the Tale" by Nightwish **

**Continued from theme 35, "Letter".**

Two weeks later, there was another letter.

Though it was clearly only paper this time, it made Riza a little nervous. She hoped she hadn't said too much or too little or the wrong thing entirely, but she had to face whatever this was, and sooner rather than later.

_Dear Riza,_

_I'm glad my note arrived safely. Perhaps it wasn't the right time, or even the right choice at all, but it was something I had to do. It didn't sound like you thought I was wrong in doing what I did, though, and I would hope that you would tell me outright if that was the case, so I'm going to allow myself to feel relieved unless you indicate otherwise in your next letter._

_I did get new tags, though it didn't make anyone happy to hear that they'd just slipped off. It sounds like this happens a lot, and it's a hassle, so they made sure I wouldn't lose them a second time around by making this set a little heavier._

_Now it feels like I've got a collar—how fitting for a military dog! They also remind me of those I sent you, but I hope that you won't see them as something so restrictive. The only one bound up in those chains is me._

_Promise me you'll stay free, Riza. If I didn't make a mistake in sending you those dog tags, I sometimes wonder if I made one in getting them in the first place. I won't give up, though. You trusted me when you had little reason to, so I'll make sure that you see my dream come true if it takes my whole life._

_That's my promise._

_Until next time,_

_Roy_


	37. Match

**37. Match**

**A/N: Song: "December Makes Me Feel This Way" by Dave Koz**

**Just to clarify, Mr. Hawkeye is visiting Chris during Winter Solstice. Roy and Riza were supposed to have joined them, but got snowed in. (The story arc of 35/36 is over, by the way.)**

"Of all the times for the power to go out…" Riza shivered and readjusted the blanket she had wrapped around herself. She was sitting as close as she dared to the hearth while Roy was attempting to light a fire.

Attempting… and failing. His hands shook so badly that the matches either snapped or lit too briefly to set the kindling alight.

Night was falling. They were going to be in serious trouble if they didn't get that fire started soon!

"Here." Riza put out her hand for the matchbook. "My hands are warmer. I can light a candle, and we can use that as a source to light the kindling."

"Fair enough." Roy took the blanket Riza handed to him as she successfully lit the candle.

She frowned. "That was the last match." Going over to the hearth, she managed to light some of the kindling. She sat back, and hoped that this would work.

* * *

Soon, the fire was at least big enough to give off heat.

"This is miserable," Roy murmured. "We were supposed to be celebrating Solstice with our families. Instead, we're stuck here."

"Oh _thanks_," Riza replied somewhat acidly.

Roy looked at her. "You know I didn't mean it like that," he said flatly. What could he do? It was hard to be convincing at the moment. "The present company isn't the problem."

"Whatever you say." But Riza's voice was a little softer this time. She pulled her knees to her chest and scooted a little closer to the fire.

Roy followed her lead, getting close enough to add another log to the fire before backing up. He settled back next to Riza, wrapping the closest edge of the blanket around her shoulders. Without so much as a word or a glance, Riza worked the inner edge of her blanket to that it encompassed them both, as well.

It was odd, but it came as no surprise to either one that there, in front of the fire, squeezed up next to one another and sharing blankets, it completely made up for just how disagreeable the situation was.

**A/N: To be continued in 49 (Cold Hands).**


	38. Mischief

**38. Mischief**

**A/N: Song: "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette **

Hello, event horizon. All light in Jean Havoc's world was being sucked in, and it wasn't going to get back out. Ever.

There was no going back—things had officially gotten that ridiculous. He was pretty sure that if he stayed in the office one more millisecond, his sanity would never recover.

How did they _do_ it?

Or rather, how did they not? Just look at them! What was the matter with them that they didn't see what everyone else knew almost instinctually? (Or worse—were they completely able to just ignore it all?)

No—they knew. They _knew_, and they used that to their advantage. They had avoided so many questions and dispelled so many rumors with such success that it was a wonder nobody had used that in and of itself as proof. In a way, he respected that. (But that didn't mean he wasn't entirely begrudging about it.)

Still, he'd seriously considered locking them in the closet, using mistletoe… _anything,_ if that tension would just go away! But then, he realized that it probably would only make things worse. Mischief had the oddest way of backfiring on you. (And he certainly didn't need any help in the my-luck-is-crap department, thanks very much.)

So, he gave up. (What other choice did he have?)

And then it happened. (Of course it would!)

They exchanged _the_ glance. The one that said everything without a word being spoken. (He'd seen it enough to know.)

They didn't need his "help". They'd had it worked out since the beginning, and he hadn't noticed until just then.

Words could not describe the intense despair and anger welling inside Jean Havoc. Even the filthiest words he'd learned combined with beating one hundred punching bags to complete and utter pulp wouldn't make a dent.

Hello, event horizon.

Good bye, sanity.

**A/N: Poor Havoc! –(huggles)- It's not your fault! I love you!**

**Rather than "Ironic", I was listening to "Pre-Parade" (the first opening to "ToraDora!") as I wrote this, and I was like, "Wow! This works! Too bad I used it before!" It was with another theme involving Havoc mentally getting his ass kicked, too!**

**As always, let me know what you think, whether it's good or bad!**


	39. Sly Person

**39. Sly person**

**A/N: Song: "Beauty and the Mess" by Nickel Creek**

**Set before the split-up.**

Roy stared somewhat grumpily at the mess of papers on his desk. Somewhere in them was a note he intended to pass off, but intended for only one person to see. His inability to find the note was frustrating enough, but once he did, there would be a whole different problem: getting it into the right hands without anyone noticing.

They were good at palming notes to each other under paperwork—they all were. So good, in fact, that none of them could use it without the others knowing. It came in handy when there was someone in from outside, but if it was just them, you might as well announce it to the world. There were times when having a group this good really _sucked_.

Absently shuffling the papers, Roy stared in amazement as the one he'd been looking for fluttered onto the desk, landing at such an angle that… _that Riza would be able to see it as she took the papers from him!_ Brilliant!

"Lieutenant, I've finished this batch of paperwork," he proclaimed happily.

Riza rose and stepped forward to take it, noticing where his hand "casually" landed on his desk. Really, Roy was less subtle than he thought he was, but the invitation to dinner more than made up for it.

**A/N: Not too enamored of this one, but, as always, input is appreciated!**


	40. Halves

**40. Halves**

**A/N: Song: "Sword and Shield" by Sister Hazel **

It's easy to assign roles, to stereotype—we do it without even thinking about it most of the time. Usually _(usually_—not all the time) we're wrong about at least one thing, whether we know it or not.

Sometimes, we're dead wrong. Sometimes, we're right.

And sometimes, we're right… sort of… but for the wrong reasons.

For such a team as theirs, there has to be one with the ability to attack, and one with the ability to defend, or, at least, it is assumed that it's that way with them, and even though they usually fall into the roles delegated to them, they really do share the responsibilities pretty evenly. Whatever the situation requires, they take on the roles, and their ability to do that, whether it's "their" role or not, is a good start.

It's their dedication to do what it takes, however, that truly makes them unstoppable.

**A/N: This turned out as more of a micro-essay, but I like it. It's a change of pace.**


	41. Coat

**41. Coat**

**A/N: Song: "My Will" by Dream**

**This is a sidestory from the end of chapter 4 of my story, "Kingly Ambitions". If you're curious, go check it out! (If you haven't, this is during Roy's apprenticeship.)**

Riza stared at the coat. It wasn't that she didn't know what to do with it, but rather that she didn't know what to do with its owner. The afternoon had been a very… interesting one. And by "interesting", she meant "awkward". Not bad, necessarily, but awkward, none the less.

Would he think it was a rude gesture, her giving it back? Well, it was his coat, after all, but he'd made no attempt to take it back. In fact, neither one had said anything to the other for hours, and while this was somewhat usual, given Roy's need to study, there was a definite unease.

An unease that would have to be dealt with, and sooner rather than later. Riza steeled her nerves and gathered the coat in her arms, then headed for Roy's room. She was poised to knock, when suddenly, she stopped. Really, was this entirely necessary? She could just hang it on the doorknob or something; she wasn't sure she could face him again.

As she placed the coat on the knob, it turned, and the coat fell to the floor. Riza bent to snatch it up quickly, her face already burning. She looked up to see Roy's surprised face.

After a moment of faltering, she held the jacket out. "I-I thought you'd want this back." She cringed mentally. How stupid could she sound?

"Th-thanks." Roy took the jacket, his hand touching hers for only an instant. Both did their best not to start backward entirely, though it helped Riza to hear Roy so unsettled.

Riza quickly turned to go back to her room as Roy shut his door. This one instance wouldn't put things to rights.

* * *

It was an hour later when Riza rose from a brief catnap to start dinner. Something by the door caught her attention: a square of paper.

She held her breath as she edged toward it, grabbing it from the floor as though it were boobytrapped.

In Roy's semi-legible handwriting were two words: "Thank you".

This one instance wouldn't set things straight, but it was certainly seeming like a good start.

**A/N: If you haven't read KA, no, they didn't have a fight. Quite the opposite, in fact. Yay, awkward teenage romance!**


	42. Day Off

**42. Day off**

**A/N: Song: "Style" by Kana Nishino **

**I just wanted a happy song… **

Riza sighed. Her day off had started nicely enough. She'd slept in a little, been able to eat on her own time, and finished all the errands she'd needed to finish.

Now, even though she enjoyed having time to herself, she was a little bored. She'd finished the book she'd been working on, not having realized that she'd had so little left to read.

Hayate trotted up and placed his paws on Riza's chair, his leash in his mouth.

Riza smiled at her dog and clipped the leash to his collar. There were few things in this world that never failed to lift her spirits, but she could undoubtedly count Hayate among them.

* * *

However, Hayate, it seemed, had a different agenda than just exercise.

He was small, but he was tugging on his leash more than normal, and Riza's patience was wearing a little thin. She'd trained him better than that!

Finally, just as she had decided to turn around and head back, Hayate managed to make such a move that the leash came loose from his collar.

"Hayate!"

But he wasn't listening. He was on a mission.

"Hayate, come!"

He didn't.

Riza wrapped the leash around her hand and hurried after the dog.

Why couldn't her days off ever go smoothly?

**A/N: Continued in 85. "Surprise Attack"**


	43. Wind

**43. Wind**

**A/N: Song: "Higher Than Hope" by Nightwish**

It's a little-known fact that Roy Mustang dislikes the wind almost as much as the rain.

It's cold and usually brings bad weather. It brought the horrific dust storms of Ishval. It's unpredictable—rain he can see coming, but wind provides no such warning.

Worst of all, it throws off his attacks, extinguishing them completely or, more likely, sending them spiraling in a completely unintended direction, causing destruction and mayhem if the conditions are right. (All too often, he knows that they are, and he hopes against hope that a sudden gust of wind won't achieve by pure coincidence what madmen set out to do intentionally.)

He's intentionally slaughtered so many who didn't deserve it, who never stood a ghost of a chance, and he'll be damned if, whether by design or by chance, he hurts another innocent.


	44. Hair

**44. Hair **

**A/N: Song: "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw**

Roy reached up to scratch his head, stopped and frowned, then made an impatient noise.

Having his hair slicked back was so inconvenient. Those days were always the days when, for whatever reason, his scalp was incredibly itchy, and he had yet to figure out just what was doing it, but regardless, he hated it. It looked so formal, and it reminded him that pretending to formality was all most people cared about.

People could be deathly ill, but heaven forbid a hair should be out of place! Roy understood the common aversion to scars, but having been through as much as he had, his hair was usually just about the last thing on his mind.

There was something unnatural about the look, too. Formality aside, hair (at least, Roy's hair) did not arrange itself in such a fashion.

Finally, there was the matter of (though he hated to admit it) the opinions of others. He'd complained to Riza once, and she'd shrugged and said it was as necessary as her having her hair clipped up every day.

"Yeah, but that's _normal_. This _isn't_, and it's irritating," he'd whined.

Riza shook her head. "Sir… I'll admit that I dislike this style, as well, but when you have to put up a front…" She'd trailed off.

"You don't like it, either?" he'd asked incredulously.

With a sigh, Riza nodded. What had she done? That was easy enough: effectively given him permission to whine.

Oddly enough, though, he didn't. With the Lieutenant in agreement, Roy was almost on cloud nine.

Now if only his scalp wasn't so damn itchy…

**A/N: I confess: I don't like Roy's hair slicked back. I'm sure he couldn't care less, and I'm sure Riza couldn't care less, but I like it far better when it's in its usual style.**

**And yeah, the song doesn't really match. I hadn't intended for the ending to be as amusing as it turned out. Basically, it's just that Roy feels like a fake with his hair slicked back. There. It matches. Happy now? ;)**

**Please review!**


	45. Awakening

**45. Awakening**

**A/N: Song: "Breathe Me" by Sia**

**After Riza's back is burned.**

Pain. That was the first sensation, and, despite the grogginess from the medicine, it still _hurt._ But with the pain, there was relief. He'd done it. It was gone, or some of it was. Enough, she hoped.

Still in a haze, she tried to twist to look. Pain blazed sharply across her entire back and up her neck, and she was unable to stop crying out.

_Stupid. I won't even be able to see it._

Her second instinct was to reach around, and she barely squelched that impulse. It'd be only bandages, anyway. At least, she hoped that was the case.

She had no idea where she was, it now occurred to her. It wasn't a normal hospital, and while that made her uneasy, the idea that Roy would comply with her request and then leave her care to someone untrustworthy was ridiculous.

…Her eyes snapped open again, then drifted back closed almost as quickly. As much as there was that she didn't know, it didn't seem that she was going to get answers anytime soon. She was helpless, but somehow, she knew that, for once, it was okay.

**A/N: I complain about my wisdom teeth all the time, but that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Writing from experience, I am not.**

**Let me know how I did!**


	46. All Night Vigil, Sleepless Night

**46. All night vigil/Sleepless night **

**A/N: Song: "The Truth Beneath the Rose" by Within Temptation**

**Set during Ishval.**

They were winning this "war" hands-down. Why did they need a night watch?

True, it had stopped a few attacks, but most nights were silent as the graves nobody could be bothered to dig anymore.

At least, it was so in the no-man's-land between the Amestrian and Ishvalan camps. Inside the Amestrian camp was a very different story.

Loud, drunk men were generally the only ones up past about midnight, and they tended to make Ishvalans seem even more innocent than they were.

Several times, groups had happened upon Riza, and, realizing she was a woman, teetered on the very edge of what would be horrifyingly unspeakable. She'd heard stories of others not as fortunate as herself (at least, so far, she always reminded herself), and Rebecca always came out to check on her before going to bed, but there was only so much anyone could do.

And so, the night would pass with Riza hardly batting an eyelash, contemplating which was worse: the days of running from death, or the nights of fearing that she might choose death.

**A/N: Another song I considered: "Mitternacht" by LaFee.**

**And now...**

**Thank you for 100+ reviews! It's always awesome to hit that mark! (And thank you, Starry Pink for being my 100th _and_ 101st reviewer!)**

**And to the rest of my reviewers: ****Lou Nebin (who is there almost every chapter), Red Amaranth (another there every chapter), RoyxRizaFan, GeMikanXIII, hand-made-city, Starry Pink, Lain-san, mebh and Hellocloser.**

******Seriously, I don't bite! Let me know what you think! :)**


	47. In the Dead of the Night

**47. In the dead of the night**

**A/N: Song: "Let Me Go" by 3 Doors Down**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Midnight had come and gone… Roy didn't know how long ago. The answer would serve only to make him feel that much more pathetic.

He tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable, but no matter what he did, it was his gut that was the problem.

He'd just received the letter today—he was in for sure. But was it really the right thing to do, knowing just how the Hawkeyes felt?

Would it be worse to tell them and risk being kicked out, or hiding it and hoping that they never found out? One way, he was a traitor; the other, a coward _and_ a traitor.

That settled it, then; he was going to tell Riza, at least.

No, he wasn't, actually. What sort of person knocked on his teacher's daughter's door at… at 3:48 in the morning with such awful news?

Roy groaned and rolled over, burying his head in his pillow. Any way he went, somebody was going to get hurt somehow.

He just hoped he was strong enough to take it.

**A/N: I'm sure Roy had many nights of angst over this.**


	48. Side of Face

**48. Side of face**

**A/N: Song: "Crush" by David Archuleta**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

It was a tricky thing, trying to see but not be seen.

There was a certain thrill to being caught, and neither of them was quite sure whether the tingling sensation and pinking of cheeks was due more to excitement or dread.

A fleeting glance over the top of a book, staring at the ceiling for longer than was necessary just to be sure that, as they slowly lowered their gaze, they might glimpse the other as she concentrated on her book or he absently tapped a pen against his lip as he solved a problem…

It was best described as playing a strictly visual game of chicken, and they were both swerving every single time.

At least they could take comfort in the idea that no matter how pathetic they felt, catching the other's eye let them know that they weren't alone.

Unfortunately, knowing such a thing was one thing. To act upon it was entirely different, and far too frightening to contemplate.

So, for now, they'd stick to swerving. After all, running off into a ditch couldn't be nearly as painful as being hit head-on.

Could it?

**A/N: "Head-on"… What an unfortunate choice of words, given the theme, js. –(cackles)- (I'm a college student—my maturity level is set to "random".)**


	49. Cold Hands

**49. Cold Hands**

**A/N: Song: "Baby, It's Cold Outside", originally by Frank Loesser.**

**Continuation of 37.**

Daybreak saw Roy and Riza very determinedly not talking to each other as they wandered about the house to do whatever needed doing, though the power was still out.

They had woken up… somewhat intertwined, to put it mildly, and each had insisted that they hadn't left only because the fire was the only source of heat.

Which was true.

Sort of.

But at the moment, the fire was out, and milling around was about the only thing keeping them from freezing.

Something caught Riza's eye: a small cardboard box. She grabbed it, and hurried off to find Roy.

Roy, however, was just around the corner, and Riza ran into him, dropping the little box.

Both knelt to pick it up, and as their hands touched, Roy flinched back. "Your hands are freezing!"

"Not for long," Riza told him excitedly, presenting the box to him.

"Matches!" Roy hurried to the fireplace, Riza on his heels.

Within moments, the fire was crackling, the flames slowly charring the wood.

Sighing in unison, both teens settled on the floor, wrapping their blankets about themselves without much thought until they realized that they were huddled together as they had been the previous night. And as with the night before, neither was particularly inclined to move. It was cold, the snow was falling, and the power was still out. Nobody was going anywhere.

For now, they could just sit there and enjoy each other's company, no interruptions, no strings attached.

And that is just what they did, though they never quite managed to forget that it would be back to normal all too soon.

**A/N: I'm teased a lot by my friends because I can't seem to keep my hands warm from about October to May without wearing gloves or something. It makes for great excuses for curling up by the fire or on a heat vent, wearing awesome gloves, and/or cuddling. I don't really mind.**


	50. Fingertips

**50 Fingertips**

**A/N: Song: "Byakuya~TrueLight~" by Shunichi Miyamoto**

**Set… I dunno. Probably during Roy's apprenticeship**

Roy always barely brushed his fingertips across an array to activate it, unless he was in a hurry. It was a sort of reverence. There was wonder and there was fear, and Roy knew the exact feeling of both every time he activated an array.

When it was done, it was done. Whatever mistakes he'd made, he wouldn't be able to hide them, and there was so much to get wrong, even in the most basic array. The insecurity almost drove him mad. Mr. Hawkeye wouldn't have taken him in if he hadn't been above-average to start with—both Mr. Hawkeye and Riza had said as much.

He'd studied damn hard to make it just to the point where he could excel as a student, and he knew his work was far from done. There was much farther to go, much more left to do…

And it all started with placing his fingertips to a circle.

**A/N: Wow! 50 down, 50 to go! And with 110+ reviews and 8,000+ hits, this is more of a success than I'd dreamed! Thank you for reading and/or favoriting and/or alerting and/or reviewing this story!**

** I chose the song because I thought it described very well Roy's relationship with alchemy. (At least the tone does. I have _no_ idea what the lyrics say...) I chose the topic 'cause we almost never see Roy use alchemy without his gloves, and the one time he does, he's in a hurry.**

**And Roy's attitudes in this totally reflect my own about my coursework. Just so you know.**

**Please review!**


	51. Embracing From the Back

**51. Embracing from the back**

**A/N: Song: "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins**

**Set after Roy leaves the Hawkeye house for the final time.**

People generally deserved what they got, it seemed. Maybe it was naïve to think such things, but it had been Riza's experience that this was true, so what else could she think?

Now, as she paced her bedroom, she wondered what she'd done to deserve all this. Her parents were dead, her relatives (if she still had any) obviously didn't know she existed, and the one person willing to do anything had just left.

She missed him so much that the ache was palpable, and while she wouldn't wish pain on him, a not-insignificant part of her hoped Roy felt the same way.

While neither had ever been exactly sure just what they were, it was clear that "friends" didn't quite cover it. Several times, he'd snuck up behind her and put his arms around her shoulders, lingering anywhere from a second to whenever she bothered to move. Before… everything, he'd even wrapped his arms around her waist a few times, the first occurrence surprising her so badly that she'd jumped, scaring him in return, and forcing her to assure and reassure him that she really didn't mind.

But now, that was over. He was gone—off to fight that God-awful war, with no promises or anything. She hadn't asked, but the more romantic part of her said that she shouldn't have had to.

He'd probably find solace in the arms of a pretty young nurse or something, or one would seek him out, and there was nothing she could do about it, short of taking drastic action.

Then again…

_No. Don't even __**consider**__ it._ Riza shook her head. Too many had been lost, and she was not going to number among them. She couldn't.

_Maybe… maybe it's for the better._ For him, at least. For Riza, the events of the past week were too much, and she sat in the corner, pulled her knees to her chest, and sobbed. How had she ever expected a happy ending? Some people just weren't destined for them, and no matter how she'd tried to ignore it, it had been clear from the beginning that she was one of them.

**A/N: I justify Riza's reactions by pointing out that 1) she just lost her dad, so emotions are already running high, and 2) those hugs… and other things… Oh come on—we all know they got together when they were young!**


	52. Hair Clip

**52. Hair clip**

**A/N: Song: "Just a Girl" by No Doubt**

The next person to cast what they thought was a furtive glance her way was going to be hard-pressed to talk her out of murdering them, Riza decided.

What was so damn special about a hair clip, anyway? Plenty of women wore them, and for the exact reason Riza had taken up the practice: to keep her hair out of the way.

To his credit, Roy had seemed the least surprised about this sudden and apparently amazingly drastic change. Then again, she was so used to his sneaking glances that she was able to tune him out more effectively.

As if on cue, Roy's eyes (and _only_ his eyes) flicked up for the most fleeting of instances.

That was that.

With all the control she could summon, Riza pushed out her chair and stood. "I would like to know," she began in her calmest _you all are dead if you don't stop this right this instant_ voice "just what is so absolutely _fascinating_ about my wearing a hair clip that you have to divert your attention to the fact every five minutes."

Roy cringed, Havoc blinked rapidly as if to proclaim his innocence, Falman and Breda looked somewhat ashamed, and Fuery seemed ready to wet himself.

"It's new," Havoc answered lamely after a moment. Then he shook his head. "Sorry, ma'am. Won't happen again."

The rest murmured their apologies and got back to work.

It was shortly after this that a silent agreement was reached: the hair clip might have been new, but that was the _only_ thing that was new. Riza was still Riza, and they'd have her no other way.

**A/N: I knew this one was going to happen this time around.**


	53. Sigh

**53. Sigh**

**A/N: Song: "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

At Riza's sigh, Roy looked up. She was closing the book she'd been reading for the past half-hour.

"Didn't end well?" he asked.

Riza shook her head. "No, it didn't, and I knew it wouldn't…" she let out another sigh. "It was a story about a woman who couldn't see a deadbeat's faults. She didn't want to, and for the rest of her life, even though she tried and tried to make things work, he refused to change, and she was miserable."

Roy's eyebrows rose. "Don't people read books to escape?"

"It _is_ a form of escape," insisted Riza. When Roy's questioning look failed to leave his face, she explained, "I know real life doesn't always end happily ever after, but rarely do they also end horribly with nothing at all ever working out. It puts things in perspective. As sorry as you feel for the characters…" She took a deep breath. "As horrible as this sounds, there's a part of you that can't help but think… _At least it's not me._"

Roy had to put all his effort into holding his mouth shut. Riza, though stoic as ever, was as close to crying as Roy had ever seen her. Nearly dumping his own book from his lap, he was across the room in two steps, pulling Riza to her feet and against his chest.

"It's okay," he murmured, and neither of them knew whether he was talking about feeling fortunate, or about how things would turn out, but for the moment, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that, for the moment, even if life wasn't perfect, it was okay, and that was good enough.

**A/N: When I wrote this, I'd had a pretty crappy week. It's been a long time since then, but I know I've felt like this before, and for me, what Riza says is really true.**


	54. O Child Sama

**54. O Child-sama **

**A/N: Song: "Uso" by SID**

"He wants the best of both worlds."

"He's learning, Sir."

Roy sighed. "Yeah… I just… I hope he doesn't keep on having to learn the hard way. He's pushing himself, and that's a good thing, but one of these days, he's going to go too far _again_ and then he's going to come crying whether anyone's willing to listen or not."

Riza smiled. "Not at all unlike someone else I know."

Roy dropped his pen and glared at her, but there was nothing he could say. She was right—when it came to him, she usually was. Shaking his head, he picked up the next report and got back to work.

**A/N: Nothin' fancy. Just a discussion that might possibly take place at some point in time.**


	55. Infectious Crying

**55. Infectious Crying**

**A/N: Song: "Koi Ni Ochitara" by Crystal Kay**

**POST 108 by a few years. Roy's "inauguration", as it were.**

She'd heard the speech so many times. He'd practiced it over and over, making her listen and give her usual all-too-honest critique.

Yet, Riza listened as if she were hearing it for the first time, only now able to appraise the words for their meaning, for the hard-fought battles behind them, and not correcting his intonation and eye contact.

An arm wrapped around her shoulders—Havoc. "You're crying," he murmured.

Riza lifted a hand to her cheek. Sure enough, tears were falling in small tracks, mixing and mingling and separating again. "After what I—_we_—went through to get here, why shouldn't I?" she whispered back defensively.

"There have been too many tears along the way," Havoc quipped, and Riza was reminded of that horrible moment… She'd really thought…

No. This was not the time to think about that. Thinking quickly, Riza responded, "They're tears of joy—are you saying we shouldn't be happy?"

Havoc sighed, momentarily defeated. "No, but some of us have reputations to uphold." He motioned towards Roy. . "And if _he_ starts crying—"

"They'll see him as human. And after our last leader, this country could use that. But he won't cry just because I am," Riza pointed out.

There was applause, and Riza turned to glare at Havoc for a moment—she'd missed the last half! She could recite it in her sleep, of course, but hearing it from the man who deserved to say it was different.

In a semi-daze, Riza exchanged hugs with several people, unable to pay proper attention even to Roy.

"You underestimate your influence," Havoc told her, once again at her side. He indicated Roy. "Take a good look."

As if he could hear, Roy turned their way, and Riza was unable to hide her surprise; Roy was crying, too.

**A/N: I can see this happening. Totally.**


	56. Skillful, Clumsy

**56. Skillful & Clumsy**

**A/N: Song: "Someday" by B*Witched**

It wasn't like she had been watching him or anything—she just happened to glimpse him at the right time.

Or maybe the wrong one, as it was turning out.

Roy, who had shaken out a cramping hand from note-taking, had done something totally unexpected: he had picked up the pen with his other hand and had resumed writing!

He had to have been putting her on; that was the only possible explanation!

"Are you really taking notes?"

She hadn't meant to sound so accusatory, but it was so hard to believe!

Roy had simply blinked at her. "Yeah," he answered, as though it were patently obvious. He held up his paper.

Riza walked around the table to examine it. It wasn't that bad, really—Roy's left-handed writing wasn't much worse than his right-handed writing, which, all things considered, wasn't horrible to begin with.

"It's not hard." Roy put the paper in front of her. "At least, I've always been able to do this."

Riza gingerly picked up the pen with her left hand and put it to the paper. Shakily, she formed an 'R', then an 'i'…

She shook her head. "I'm no good at this."

Roy shrugged. "If you haven't been doing it your whole life, I don't think you can pick it up in one day. Come on—write your name right-handed. Normal speed."

Riza did as she was bid.

Grinning, Roy pronounced, "As I thought; much better than my handwriting. Either one. Just 'cause I can do it, doesn't mean I can do it well."

"Whatever works," Riza told him almost dismissively as she made her way to the bookshelf.

"I mean it," Roy called after her.

Maybe he was imagining it, but just for a moment, Riza hesitated. Roy couldn't see her expression, but he hoped that it was a smile.

When she turned to get the book she wanted, he saw he was right, and that made his smile (and his day) just a little bit brighter.

**A/N: After looking at several scenes in the manga, I've come to conclude that Roy is quite competently ambidextrous. He snaps well with both hands, and he carved the transmutation circle into his right hand, presumably with his left. I wouldn't trust my non-dominant hand with such a precise task! However, we see him use only his right hand when writing. (I don't know about his subordinates, though Riza at least seems to be right-handed.)**


	57. Feigning Sleep

**57. Feigning Sleep**

**A/N: Song: "All That I've Got" by the Used**

**Takes place during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Riza always was able to tell when Roy was feigning sleep.

There was just something unnatural about the way he held himself when he was pretending. She didn't know what exactly it was, but she just _knew_.

So, it was no surprise when, looking up from her book to see Roy apparently having nodded off, she told him plainly, "I know you're not asleep," before her eyes flicked back to her book.

Roy's eyes shot open immediately, and he sighed. If Riza had been, well, anyone else but herself, Roy doubted that she'd know, but she did. Though, looking at her now, you'd hardly suspect it. But what could he do? He wasn't about to get up, and he probably shouldn't keep staring…

Sighing, he closed his eyes. It wasn't as though he didn't know exactly what Riza looked like. It was just that the real Riza was far superior to any image he could conjure up.

**A/N: Trippiest. Music video. EVER.**


	58. Before Falling Asleep

**58. Before falling asleep**

**A/N: Song: "Glitter In the Air" by P!nk**

"Riza?"

"Mmmm…" the young woman nestled deeper into her pillow.

Roy sighed. "You're going to ruin your back, sleeping on the couch all the time."

"Don't care."

Roy tried not to worry over Riza too much, but sometimes, he wondered just how well she'd parented herself. After all, she'd had her own way for so long… "Riza…" he began warningly.

Now, she sat up. "Am I distracting you?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

Forced to concede, Roy rolled his eyes. "There's no problem, I guess."

"Then stop bothering _me_. I'm tired, I want to sleep, and I like it here." Riza couldn't help the hurt and the defensiveness that seeped into her tone.

Roy sighed. "Fine." The corners of his mouth quirked up. "You're such a kid sometimes."

"Takes one to know one," Riza mumbled, having settled back down.

"Night, Riza."

"Mmmm…"

Even when Riza was just dozing, she refused to move. Roy didn't know how often she'd spent nights in the front room before he'd arrived, but now, she seemed to spend more there than in her room. Roy's careful readjustment of her and covering her with a blanket was almost a routine now; neither knew what she'd do when he finally left.


	59. Gift

**59. Gift**

**A/N: Song: "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls**

**Takes place during Roy's apprenticeship. Assumes that Winter Solstice is a holiday much like Christmas/New Year's.**

**References chapter 85 ("Surprise Attack") of Chaotic Sonata, my other 100 themes collection.**

The quiet was kind of nice, Roy thought. Chris's was usually noisy and crowded this time of year, and as socially as Roy had been raised, he had grown to cherish his solitude.

That didn't mean he didn't want to spend Solstice absolutely alone, and, truth be told, he was rather curious as to what exactly constituted a celebration in the Hawkeye residence.

He hoped it included some sort of gift exchange. He'd purchased a book for Mr. Hawkeye, and for Riza… it had been difficult to decide just what to get her. In the end, it hadn't come to getting her something, but making something. Hopefully, it was enough.

* * *

"Here."

It wasn't exactly how Roy had planned to present Riza with her gift, but, having received one from her, he was too stunned to say much else.

Settled on the couch, they unwrapped their gifts, both of them now unsure as to what to say.

Riza traced the picture frame, remembering that snowfall. It had been a month since then, and though they hadn't talked about it, they had only to look at the snow that still dusted the ground, and a wistful expression would cross their faces.

Roy ran a hand over the book. How had she known? He hadn't said a word. Then again, he and Riza frequented the same (and only) bookshop in town, and the shopkeeper was rather talkative… He'd just never expected Riza to do something that sneaky.

He looked up. "Thank you."

His voice was barely above a whisper, and Riza's was no louder when she responded in kind.

Roy took a deep breath, leaned over, and put an arm around Riza, deliberating another moment before pressing a kiss to her cheek. Riza put a hand to the spot as Roy stood quickly, looking ready to bolt.

"Wait."

Riza grabbed his sleeve and got to her feet. When Roy remained where he was, Riza leaned forward and kissed Roy's cheek.

Without another word or even so much as a glance in the other's direction, they hurried to their rooms, hearts drumming excitedly. Solstice had brought them both far more than either had hoped for.

**A/N: Yay, fluff! (Nobody's going to believe me, but I wasn't going to have the kisses in there. I swear, the things just appeared on their own!)**


	60. At the window

**60. At the window**

**A/N: Song: "Love Song Requiem" by Trading Yesterday**

It was strange, the things that transfixed a person.

Some people had simple triggers: put a pretty girl in front of Havoc, and you (well, she) had his complete attention. Put Hayate in front of Breda, and he wouldn't take his eyes off the pup, lest the ankle biter… bite his ankles, she supposed, though she'd cured Hayate of that habit rather quickly.

It was no real surprise, then, that Roy was one to focus on the rain, almost as if he could stare it down. She'd made a point of studying him as he gazed out the window, though, and what she'd found was concerning. His expression always started out as one of pure annoyance, but depending on how reflective a mood he was in, he either stayed annoyed, or started to despair. She could read him so well, and it frightened her to watch him try (and, on rare occasions, absolutely fail) to hide what he was thinking and feeling.

She never should have called him useless, but she'd been so worried, and she hadn't known he'd take it to heart about _everything,_ though she could have guessed…

"Sir, staring at the rain won't make it stop," she finally told him one day after he'd stood at the window for the better part of an hour. "Some things are just out of our hands. We just have to make the best of it with what we've got."

Roy blinked for a moment, then slowly turned back to his desk. For an instant, his gaze flicked to her, and, as with every other glance, she understood it perfectly.

_You knew, and you brought me back, like you always do. Thank you._

**A/N: I originally was going to use "Be My Escape" by Relient K, but I was listening to "Love Song Requiem", and I decided that it fit better.**

**On a different note, 10,000 hits! Wow! You guys are awesome! Thank you all so much! :)**


	61. Diary, Journal

**61. Diary/Journal**

**A/N: Song: "I Will" by Sowelu **

"I'm on my way to the top. Are you coming with me?"

As if I'd ever say no. In the moment, I was a little angry that'd he'd even felt the need to ask. I understand the dangers. I know I might well be injured or killed. I know I might have to take lives. I _know._

He knows, too, and I know that he wishes on some level that I'd said no, that he thinks it's all his responsibility, and that's why I have to walk the path with him. Left to his own devices, he'd never go anywhere, not because he doesn't have the determination, but simply because nobody can do what he's set out to do alone.

It's going to be a long, dangerous, and sometimes painful path, but when we stand there at the end, it will be worth it.

**A/N: 3 guesses and the first two don't count as to who wrote this. (And if anyone responds with "jacksparrow589", there **_**will**_** be unpleasantness. I mean whose diary/journal this is from.)**


	62. A Reason to Quarrel

**62. A reason to quarrel**

**A/N: Song: "Too Bad" by Nickelback**

"You promised!"

"You chose to follow—you said it yourself."

Riza made a derisive noise. "I knew this could only lead to trouble."

So many times she'd talked him down off the ledge. So many times they'd had this half-discussion-half-argument, and though it had its script, this time, things were different. She was tired. All she wanted was for this to be over, so she could afford, if only just once, to be selfish.

" '_I think it's a wonderful dream.' _ _I _wasn't the one who said that," Roy reminded her.

If she'd been a "normal" woman, she might have slapped him, and as it was, she was hard-pressed not to, but Riza managed to keep her fists clenched her by her sides. "I wasn't the one who came up with that dream. _You_ made those claims at my father's grave. You used him. You used _me._"

"Oh, so I _forced_ you?" Roy raised an eyebrow, daring her to answer the double entendre.

"You took advantage of the situation, and don't tell me you didn't at least realize it," she responded carefully, but her glare dealt the venom her words didn't. _Yes. Yes you did. I wasn't always like this. Funny how the changes in me coincided with your presence, don't you think?_

Roy paled, and Riza realized she'd spoken the last sentence aloud. With a sort of hiccupping gulp, Roy leaned on the desk to steady himself. Riza's legs shook, and only sheer force of will kept them from buckling beneath her.

She'd fought to win and she'd won. The victory was hers.

So why did it feel like she was on the verge of losing everything?

**A/N: I considered using "Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet" by Relient K as the song for this one, actually, and it probably fits better, but I like Nickelback just a smidge better.**

**As always, I'd be happy to hear what's good, what's bad, and even what you had for dinner, if you're feeling particularly random.**


	63. Special Seat

**63. Special seat**

**A/N: Song: "The Silence" by Blue Stone**

It hadn't taken Roy long to figure out just how far from ordinary the Hawkeyes were.

Maybe that was too harsh; rather, it was how far from ordinary most aspects of their lives were. Riza presented as normal, and, for the most part, she really was. Roy got the feeling that any "strangeness" in her was connected to her father.

Or, he reflected one day upon entering the kitchen, perhaps some of it was connected to the absence of Riza's mother.

Only three of the four sides of the small square table in the Hawkeye kitchen were taken up, and Roy had the feeling that, once upon a time, a happier time, there used to be four. … But he'd never try to rearrange things—some things were sacred, and this was one of them.

**A/N: This one took literally three minutes to write. I have no idea why, but it was just so easy.**


	64. The Scenery From a Car Seat

**64. The scenery from a car seat**

**A/N: Song: "Saikou no Kataomoi" by Saichi Tainaka**

**Post-split up.**

Driving usually helped Roy to calm down, if only because he had to concentrate on something unrelated to whatever problems he was mulling over.

Since that terrifying race to save Riza from Gluttony, however, Roy had found that this particular aspect of driving had been muted, especially when the problem at hand dealt with Riza.

The current situation definitely fell into that category.

How could he have put them all in such danger? How could he not have seen this coming? He'd gotten complacent, thought he'd fooled that bastard, whatever he was. Now the illusion was shattered, and only Roy was left to pick up the pieces as best he could, Riza dangling over his head the entire time like Tantalus's forbidden fruit.

He could see her, but he couldn't touch her; he couldn't even get close. One small misstep, and it was all over now.

Gripping the steering wheel tightly, Roy swore to himself in that moment that he'd do everything it took to bring them all back safe and sound, that he wouldn't rest until they were all safely back within his grasp. He needed them all, but the girl who had, literally atop her father's grave, told him that she wanted his dream to come true; who had become a murderer for him and later promised any and all support she could give…

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that he needed her the most.

**A/N: I think this one sort of deviated from the song, but I'm keeping it.**

**Please let me know how I'm doing!**


	65. The You Reflected in the Glass

**65. The you reflected in the glass**

**A/N: Song: "Sharp Dressed Man" by Nickelback (covering ZZ Top)**

You would think that, on his days off, Roy would just let himself go and not worry about appearances. You would be wrong.

He liked looking good. (Who doesn't?) That, and Chris Mustang had raised him, and her policy on appearances was very much a militaristic one: "They matter, and if you're not looking your best at all times, so help me, I'll know why."

As much as he scoffed at the need for immaculate appearance, he'd learned to use it to his advantage. Occasionally, he had fun doing it, though that was usually when he was at Chris's or otherwise not at work.

At the very least, the compliments made him feel like he was doing something right, but he'd be lying if he said those quick head-to-toe appraisals he was given didn't just make him feel good in general. An additional benefit: nobody was exempt from giving him a once-over, not even Riza, even if she was far more subtle about it than most. (Roy would willingly admit, however, that he was very much guilty of the same when it came to her.)

"Dress to impress, Roy-Boy."

He always did—you never know who might be looking.

**A/N: I've noticed that most of the FMA characters are pretty distinctive dressers, but Roy is particularly snappy out of uniform. I love me a man who can enjoy wearing a suit! (And I'm sure Riza feels the same—am I right? ;) )**


	66. The Pounding of a Heart

**66. The pounding of a heart**

**A/N: Song: "Paper Moon" by Tommy heavenly6**

**During 106/107/108**

He was alive; of that, there could be no doubt.

His heart pounded under her hand; one of the few things that really convinced her that this wasn't just a terrifying nightmare. However, that meant that it was a horribly reality. What made it worse was that she could do nothing more than she was already doing.

Of course she was fulfilling her duty. She'd promised to support him to the top, whatever it took, and it had almost taken her life.

Suddenly, she was in his arms again, and she could _hear_ his heart. How could it go from soothing her one moment to frightening her the next?

"I'm here… I'm here!" That was all she wanted to say, but instead, she was stuck letting him know that his job wasn't done yet, that they were still in danger, and now more than ever.

Thinking about it, how close she'd come to not making it, and how so much could still go wrong… Her chest tightened, and suddenly, his heart wasn't the only one that was racing.

**A/N: I seem to be on a suspense spree lately. Angst, terror and suspense… I really should write something lighter. We'll see.**

**Please leave a review!**


	67. Quirks

**67. Quirks**

**A/N: Song: "Like The Rose" by B*Witched (Just going for each finding something different and interesting in the other.) **

**A sort of companion to 31, "Home Cooking".**

"So, what can you do with squash?"

Roy thought for a moment, then his face lit up. "Squash soup. We are going to have squash soup."

Riza wrinkled her nose. "Suit yourself."

"_You're_ the one with the garden, _and_ you're the one who told me to prove myself," Roy pointed out. "You, Riza Hawkeye, have only yourself to blame."

Truth be told, Roy had been surprised to find Riza gardening, but then again, if he could cook (sort of)…

SCENE

"So, why gardening?" Roy asked as they chopped up vegetables.

Riza shrugged. "It gave me something to do."

Roy pursed his lips. As casual as she'd been, the words were full of implications. Her mother was dead, her father for all intents and purposes ignored her… he should have known.

"Why squash?" he tried again.

"To make your life difficult," she replied blandly, the corners of her mouth twitching upward ever so slightly.

"You're going to eat those words," he informed her. "Squash soup is simple, but very tasty. I dare you at the end of dinner to tell me the truth."

Riza stopped chopping and met his eyes. "You're on."

SCENE

"So…?"

Riza sighed, but contently. She couldn't even be angry with him. "You win, you win. It was delicious."

"Hah!"

"So delicious," she continued, "that I might just leave all the cooking to you from now on."

He hadn't really won, then, reflected Roy. But he was unsurprised to find that he didn't mind. It was worth it to see Riza smile.

**A/N: I seem to keep on coming back to young Roy wanting to make young Riza smile. I really think he felt that way about her, at least on some level.**

**Do you agree? Disagree? Please let me know!**


	68. Song

**68. Song**

**A/N: Song: "Kitty, Stop Meowing" by Beijing Angelic Choir **

**Takes place during Roy's apprenticeship. Assuming Roy is at least part Xingese.**

She'd thought he was just humming at first, but as Riza drew closer to the porch, she could hear the clear syllables. But they weren't Amestrian.

Xingese. She'd almost forgotten. Neither of them spoke much about their families—neither had much to say.

Now he was humming… and he was done.

She took another step, trying to make a noise to let him know that she was there. It worked—he turned to face her.

"That was…" Riza couldn't decide just how the song had made her feel or how she could describe it, but it was only good. "What was it about?"

"It's a song about a child who's fallen asleep, and his parents are trying to calm the world around him to make it so he can stay asleep." He looked off to the west. "My parents used to sing it to me. I was really little, but I still remember…"

"Would you sing it again?" Riza asked, so suddenly she couldn't believe she'd actually made the request.

Roy smiled and patted the space beside him on the porch swing. Riza settled in and closed her eyes, leaning back.

"_Ō lái__－－__ō lái_"

**A/N: This is a real song, and it's absolutely gorgeous. I could totally fall asleep to it.**

**If you listen to it, let me know what you think!**


	69. Are You Satisfied?

**69. Are you satisfied?**

**A/N: Song: "More Than Useless" by Relient K**

There were days when he felt as though he was running just to keep in place, and even more days when he felt as though, despite all he was doing, he was going backward.

It wasn't at all healthy—he knew it himself, and he'd been told countless times by countless people—but Roy was a perfectionist when it came to his plan. He knew most people would say that enough was enough, that they'd say what he'd done was fine, but it never would be, just because the end wouldn't justify the means. He'd have to find a balance somewhere, and though it made him uncomfortable, he wouldn't know what it was until he reached it.

**A/N: You gotta know where to get off, Roy. Going for the gold is one thing, but never being satisfied even when you do your best is totally different.**

**Let me know your thoughts! Please drop me a review!**


	70. Giddiness

**70. Giddiness**

**A/N: Song: "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins**

**Set after Roy regains his sight, assuming this occured while Riza is still getting patched up. (So I'm probably fudging this a little bit… It's Royai, people! Bear with me!)**

It wasn't over, but it was time to rest.

Riza reclined against the hospital bed, but her mind wouldn't stop its whirlwind pace. While it was understandable, it was rather annoying.

And it was just about to get crazier.

Roy strode briskly into the room.

"Sir?" Riza sat up, but her shoulder protested. "You shouldn't be—"

Roy held up his now-bandaged hands. "I'm fine. I'm far more concerned about you."

"It'll mend," Riza told him, a little weary. "Please, Sir, you should be resting!"

"Can't," Roy proclaimed proudly. "There's still work to do! We're on our way to the top, Hawkeye, and we'll make it."

"Of course we will, Sir." Maybe the painkillers were making her hallucinate. Or maybe Roy had been given too much for how injured he was…

"Look at me."

Riza looked up and studied his face for a moment. Her eyes grew wide, and it took all of her composure to keep her jaw from dropping. No longer was Roy's gaze the vacant one he had been wearing—_he was looking right at her!_

Suddenly, it all became clear: how Roy had found her room without any assistance whatsoever, why he was… giddy was the only word for it.

Tentatively, she raised a hand and wiggled it in front of Roy's face. He watched it, grinning like an idiot. After a moment, he caught it and took Riza's other hand. "We're almost there."

"Patience, Sir," she reminded him softly. "I said I'd support you. I'm not done yet."

Roy squeezed her hands. "Then rest. I don't plan on making it to the top without you." With that, he left the room.

Riza sat back. There was no way she was going to rest anytime soon—giddiness had a tendency to do that to people.

**A/N: Yeah, I'm pretty sure Roy just proposed at the end there. You look hard enough at my stuff, and he proposes a lot. I'm such a romantic! (But it's so much fun!)**

**Well, as usual, please leave a review!**


	71. Premonition

**71. Premonition**

**A/N: Song: "Living In Danger" by Ace of Base**

**Set after Riza's encounter with Pride.**

Somehow, Riza seemed to know when she was about to face a homunculus. Unfortunately, it was only ever just before she knew she was in a life-or-death situation, which was hardly useful.

As a sniper, she generally had a good sense of when she was alone and when she wasn't, and knew how to pick spots for that very quality, so it wasn't foresight so much as forethought.

Pride, however, she was unable to explain. She'd just known, but, as previously mentioned, it had hardly helped.

It was one thing to know something was coming; it was entirely another to be able to deal with it and come away unscathed.

She'd gotten lucky so far.

Next time, however, she had the feeling that things weren't going to go so well.

**A/N: Other songs I considered: "It's the Fear" by Within Temptation and "Haunted" by Evanescence (ignoring the sexual connotations. –(shudders)- )**


	72. Drawing a Boundary Line

**72. Drawing a boundary line**

**A/N: Song: "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls**

**Takes place during 100/101**

Roy Mustang hardly ever forgot himself, but when it concerned those most precious to him dying, he couldn't help it.

Everything had gone to hell, but all he cared about was that she was still alive. No matter how rigidly they'd stuck to their boundaries in the past, it didn't matter. He could think of nothing but keeping her alive, though he knew there was almost nothing he could do.

He gathered her in his arms and just held her, trying to keep her there for the next heartbeat. If he couldn't save her, he could at least give her one last moment of peace.

And then the miracle happened. May was able to do what he couldn't, and he'd never been more grateful. For the second time in as many minutes, Roy pulled Riza close. Boundaries be damned; she was alive, and even—_especially_—if it meant holding her like this, he was going to do everything in his power to keep her safe.

**A/N: Yeah, yeah, this has been done before, and I'm such a sap, but I like doing this, and I haven't done much with this chunk of time lately, so I thought I would.**

**As always, please let me know how I'm doing!**


	73. Parting

**73. Parting**

**A/N: Song: "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins**

**Set as Roy leaves the Hawkeyes' for good.**

**Companion to 74, "Great Distance".**

Roy had the feeling that getting on this train was going to turn out to be the worst mistake of his life. His stomach was a gigantic lump of knots, his hands shook, and his emotions were a jumble of everything negative and nothing positive.

Riza had been silent all the way to the station, and Roy hadn't attempted to change that. He was leaving a huge mess behind, and he knew it, though he carried his own personal sense of disaster with him even now.

He settled into his seat and looked out the window, wishing intently that he had the courage to dash off the train, to jump onto the platform just as the train was leaving the station. He wanted to go back to simpler times, and, failing that impossibility, just to go back to Riza. Somehow, he'd make things right, but the only way he could think to do so was to not do what he was doing.

At least, he thought, he should say good bye. Silent meant silent. No exchange of words—not so much as a sound from either of them—just glances that betrayed sorrow and heartbreak and confusion… He couldn't leave things like this!

He wouldn't, then. As he rose to undo the window latch, he tried to convince himself that it didn't matter to him whether or not Riza actually accepted him and what he had to say. Regardless, it had to be said.

Suddenly, the train lurched forward. Roy stumbled, then caught his balance, and caught sight of Riza. She was walking away. _"Riza,_" he whispered.

As if by magic, she turned and met his eyes, her expression one of surprise tinged with regret. Roy was temporarily rendered speechless, not that speech would do him any good at this point. He didn't need words, and didn't want them, not when he had just confirmed that he was making the worst mistake he'd ever made.

And yet, a sickening feeling in his stomach told him that this was just the beginning—the first screw-up of many, and nowhere in sight, let alone in comprehension, of the last involving Riza.


	74. Great Distance

**74. Great Distance**

**A/N: Song: "I Never Told You" by Colbie Callait**

**Companion to 73, but looking through Riza's eyes, this time.**

She hadn't said anything. What was left to say?

It was both perfectly clear and worlds beyond confusing at the same time.

Right now, all the memories they shared flashed before her eyes: the day they met, how they'd hardly talked at first, the nights where they'd do nothing but talk, their excursions into town, the laughter they'd shared, the moments where they'd been unable to think of anything to say, her attempts to accept the turn that events had taken as he patiently waited or tried to explain, his standing there and just letting her glare and yell and whisper furiously, her father's burial…

But what stood out the most was a sequence of memories. First, of her birthday, almost two years ago. The book he'd given her still sat prominently on her shelf, read many times not just for its words, but for the memory of the day she'd received it.

Then Roy's birthday a few months later. Her nervousness at the sheer practicality of her gift, and her decision to return Roy's gesture.

And finally, her last birthday, and the day that followed it. How to even begin to describe how bad of an idea that had been? She should have known better—no; she had known better—but she'd let herself get carried away, despite what she knew to be inevitable: this.

She had to go, and now. Before he left first, this time. She could still salvage… whatever it was that needed salvaging; she didn't even know anymore. She just knew that this was wrong and doomed and that she could blame only herself for letting it happen.

But her feet wouldn't obey. The train was starting to pull out, anyway—was she really going to be able to see him? Against her better judgment, she turned just in time to see Roy reaching for the window latch…

He wanted to come back, and somewhere, deep down and boiling swiftly to the surface, she wanted him to get off that train however he could, so she could tell him that it was all right, that he could stay, that she wanted nothing more.

But it wouldn't happen—couldn't happen, simply because their time was up. It couldn't be, though; there was so much she needed to say!

_And now, it's too late._

**A/N: This harkens back to Chaotic Sonata's themes 14 (Covered Eyes), 59 (Gift), and 91 (Kiss), as well as my follow-up oneshot, "When Words Become Superfluous".**


	75. Why

**75. Why?**

**A/N: Song: "Loves Me Not" by t.A.T.u.**

**During Ishval.**

"I know that look."

Riza looked up.

Rebecca gazed back, concerned. "You're thinking about leaving—don't tell me you aren't. There's about twenty reasons I can give you off the top of my head that you shouldn't."

"Why?" Riza demanded. "Give me one good reason—just one—and I'll stay."

"It's treason."

Riza shook her head. "I can hide."

Rebecca sighed. "You could be killed by someone who thinks you mean them harm."

"It would only be just."

"Stop it, Riza! You're staying! I need a friend I can come back to at the end of the day, and you do, too!" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "If not for me, then for him. Yes, Riza, I know. I'm not blind."

"_I think it's a wonderful dream."_

Riza shook her head again, hoping to chase the memory from existence, but there was no way she could leave now, though Roy had, unbeknownst to Rebecca, actually tried to convince her to find a way to get sent home.

It seemed that she couldn't please anyone, especially not herself—how could she, when she thought any option was wrong?

**A/N: Three quarters of the way through! I didn't think I'd make it this far in my first collection, let alone my second one! Crazy!**

**This particular one is pretty emo, though. Ngh…**

**And now, time for public humiliation-er-thank-yous to the amazing reviewers! First off, to Lou Nebin and Red Amaranth, who have reviewed pretty much every single chapter. (As I've said before, I know that it can take a lot of time to do so, so this is an above-and-beyond thing, and even just favoriting this and/or putting it on alert means a LOT to me, too!) And now, to those other wonderful people who have let me know what they think in no uncertain terms: RoyxRizaFan, GeMikanXIII, Lain-san, hand-made-city, StarryPink, Lady Norbert, mebh, lyrical-harmonies and SomethingOrOtherAlchemist.**

**I hope you're enjoying these little bits! Let me know what you think!**


	76. Watching Over You

**76. Watching over you**

**A/N: Song: "Crash and Burn" by Lifehouse**

**Post 108**

Even after it was "done", they still watched over each other very closely. Old habits died hard.

They'd always been there for each other, and it wasn't as though that was ever going to change. It was just that, though the worst of the danger had passed, they couldn't shake the "this can't possibly last" mentality. Something had always gone wrong, and though they were striving to make it to a point where that was just a memory, they weren't there yet.

That wasn't to say that the spans of peace weren't longer, or that the conflicts weren't as violent (for the most part), but having been through what they'd been through, they'd changed.

It wasn't a bad thing—in fact, it made it easier to tell when things weren't going well, so it was easier to deal with them; easier to say, "You did what you could and that's all anyone can ask of you."

Funny how something so simple could be forgotten so easily, and at the same time, how it made everything so much better to hear it.

**A/N: Truth of the universe: it really does work. Try it sometime!**

**Please let me know how I'm doing!**


	77. Implicit Rules

**77. Implicit rules**

**A/N: Song: "Pieces" by Sum 41**

It was obvious that Roy wasn't to bother Mr. Hawkeye or Riza, just as it was that Riza wasn't to bother Roy. Some rules were just made to be broken, but, after a while, it wasn't even a necessary rule.

Unfortunately, it was unnecessary because they all kept to themselves for the longest time. If Roy or Riza walked into the room the other was in, unless it was specifically to address the other (chatting was practically unheard of, unless it was over dinner), they would turn around and walk right back out.

The longer it went on, the worse it got. Roy knew Mr. Hawkeye was ill, and Riza was doing her best to compensate for it in any way she could, but there was only so much she could take, not that she'd ever say anything. Mr. Hawkeye seemed to be an advocate of suffering in silence, and Riza, being her father's daughter, adhered to that.

"Just talk to me!" he wanted to say. "How long do you really think you can keep this up?"

Riza was strong—Roy couldn't (and didn't) doubt that—but it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down, and he just hoped he would be there to help when it did.

**A/N: I chose the song with a different meaning than it was probably intended to have: kind of a "ships passing in the night" feel.**


	78. Ideals and Truth

**78. Ideals and Truth**

**A/N: Song: "Toy Soldiers" by Martika**

**Takes place towards the end of Roy's apprenticeship.**

The uneasy feeling in his gut wasn't for nothing. He was used to trains, to be sure; it was the prospect of what waited at the other end that made him nauseous.

He couldn't start believing things wouldn't work, though—not now. He'd rehearsed his speech over and over, finding any possible arguments and coming up with his own counterarguments, but he knew deep down that it still might not be enough.

"_You can't force someone to believe the same way as you do, Roy-boy. You'll either have to compromise or accept that your ideals can't coexist with the truth at all."_

Chris hadn't been being unkind about it, of course. She'd been concerned as any mother would be, and, wanting the best for her foster son, she'd made it a point to express that concern.

But whether or not she'd meant it unkindly, she'd almost stopped Roy in his tracks. He had to keep moving—_had_ to. He would make things work somehow; he'd been working on that, too. Unfortunately, as of yet, a solution had not presented itself, and time was running out.

He'd do and say what he had to, then, even if it meant someone was going to suffer. A little bit of suffering was surely all right as long as things turned out in the end!

The train plunged into darkness as it went through a tunnel, and for a terrifying moment, Roy thought he was going to be sick. At that moment, he knew he was glimpsing his life for the next however many years as he worked his way to the top to make his dreams come true.

He'd never change his ideals, though—not now, not ever. He was going to change the truth.

Roy straightened as the train burst back into the light. He was going to do this, for better or for worse.

After all, how bad could it possibly get?

**A/N: Ah, young, idealistic Roy. On some level, I enjoy writing these moments because I'm a worldly and wise college student (Well, I really am a college student. "Worldly" and/or "wise" are up for debate.), jaded in how life usually has different plans than I do. But, by that same token, I sympathize with Roy here: life gives you lemons and you make lemonade, set up a stand, and make 10 dollars an hour, best case scenario. Worst case scenario is getting lemon juice in the cuts. Not a picnic, but you'll live. Not, of course, that the latter remotely compares to Ishval, but either way, you've got to keep going.**

**And that's my thoughts on this. I'd love to read yours, so please, leave a review!**


	79. Underwater no futari

**79. Underwater no futari**

**A/N: Song: "You and Me" by Lifehouse**

**Set during Roy's apprenticeship.**

Neither of them had recognized it for what it was at first —young people hardly ever do.

It hadn't exactly started out noticeably, though. There had always been an awkwardness between them due to the very different lives they'd led. Each had seen and been through more than a child ever should (though it was very arguably worse for Riza), and while a sort of camaraderie stemmed from it, there was no helping Riza's only somewhat-hidden skittishness and Roy's inability to handle it when it popped up.

There were times when, while interacting with each other, they found that it was hard to breathe and move, that there was too much time to think and no good way to act, as if they'd been suddenly plunged into ice baths, and at first they took it at face value. They didn't know each other—of course there would be moments like those.

The strange thing was, as time went on, the feeling didn't go away; it _intensified._ And no matter what they were doing, whether they had been in the same room or someone had just walked in, whether they'd been talking for an hour or a second, there would be moments where, upon meeting the other's eyes, everything would come to an inexplicable halt.

It was hard to know when they realized what it was, but there were subtle signs: the refusal to give into silence, the clenched hands, the lack of puzzlement and the determination to act as though everything was perfectly all right. Giving in would be wrong, though, even if—even _though_—they recognized the same feelings in each other.

Perhaps, one day, all that would change, and the depths of confusion would recede to an oasis of true satisfaction, whatever form it took.

First, they'd have to learn to swim.

**A/N: Yes, I was a giggly schoolgirl once, and I totally remember this feeling. Who doesn't?**


	80. Categorize

**80. Categorize**

**A/N: Song: "A Dangerous Mind" by Within Temptation**

"What are you?"

Roy hated that question; oh how he hated it! Whether it referred to race, gender, rank… anything, it really came down to one meaning: "If you're not someone I agree with, you're my enemy."

It had taken him only a few years to figure out the answer he used always and every time; one that would stop anyone in their tracks: "I'm human. Is that a problem?"

Unfortunately, there had recently been a change, and now Roy wasn't someone they agreed with. Now he was the enemy. It was kind of a double standard, considering what Lust had said, but now that there were homunculi, even the one answer that had always been safe no longer was.

**A/N: I find it appropriate that I'm putting this up today. With current events being how they are, it's really caused me to try and evaluate the sort of ideas expressed here.**


	81. Footsteps

**81. Footsteps**

**A/N: Song: "Hajimari no Kaze" by Ayaka Hirahara**

"I'm on my way to the top. Will you follow me?"

"I'll follow you into Hell."

She'd meant it. Wherever his footsteps were, she would follow them, always just a step or two behind, ready to do absolutely whatever was necessary. If it meant shooting him, she'd do it, though she hoped it would never come to that. If it meant taking strides much larger than she believed possible, she'd do it, though she knew he wouldn't intentionally leave her so far behind.

And if it meant taking the bullet, taking the fall, she'd do it without a second thought, because, in the end, his footsteps were all that mattered.

The one day she'd said as much, however, he'd turned his absolutely terrifying glare on her, and for a moment, it was as if he hated her, but his next words made that impossible: "You won't let me fall. I'll never let you fall, either."

They were in the habit of making such ridiculous promises that they really believed it, too. Anything to keep them going until that day, at times so tantalizingly close, at others, so infinitely far away.

And some day, when all really was said and done and they'd made their way to the top, _he'd_ follow _her_ footsteps until they brought him to her; until they brought him _home_.

**A/N: So freakin' cheesy at the end there, but you know I have to do those every once in a while.**

**This could have been "Until That Day" or "Welcome Home", I realize, and maybe it fits them better, but, just in case you didn't notice, the footsteps motif was most strongly expressed, as that was what I'd planned this for.**

**Well, let me know what you think! :)**


	82. Words That Fade Away in the Chaos

**82. Words that fade away in the chaos**

**A/N: Song: "Broken" by Seether feat. Amy Lee**

**During Chapter 101**

"Lieutenant!"

Pain flared in her shoulder and neck, nearly drowning out everything else, nearly making her pass out, but he was calling for her, telling her to stay.

"Lieutenant, stay with me!"

Another burst of pain spasmed through her, but she couldn't move. It was agony. She was going to die, even though she'd been ordered not to. There wasn't any other way.

"Can you hear my voice?"

_Yes_.

"Please answer me! Lieutenant!"

But she couldn't. The "doctor" was speaking, and she was being hauled to the center of the circle. _No._

Her vision swirled and the blackening edges pulsed in and out, but she wasn't going to be sick. She was dying, was going to die if he didn't start speaking soon, but he wasn't.

Dots danced beyond the edge of her vision, up at the top of the chamber.

"I'm not going to die… You see, I have a standing order that prohibits me from dying." She barely listened to the doctor's response, too busy watching the dots in the blackness above, but when he wondered if she was dead, she had to speak again, if only to keep the Colonel there. "Colonel… You don't need to perform human transmutation." She glanced at the ceiling again, this time making sure he saw it, making sure he knew what she did.

"I get it, Lieutenant."

The next moment, all hell broke loose, and she was on her own again, with nothing to keep her there. She didn't want to die, but it wasn't up to her.

At least there'd be no more pain…

Like there was when he lifted her as gently as he could.

"Lieutenant!"

His voice sounded so far away, though he was right there. _He's right there! Right there…_

She couldn't even open her eyes anymore, and every other sense was starting to go black.

"Get ahold of yourself, Lieutenant! Open your eyes!" The plea had started out so faint that she could barely hear it, and it had gotten more distant as it went on.

_I can't. I'm sorry. I guess I made a promise I couldn't keep._

**A/N: Usually, Riza's not the one making promises she can't keep, but I don't think she actually expected this to happen. And no, I am not changing it so she dies, so you can put down those Molotov cocktails and rotten veggies and pitchforks. This just ends right before May does her thing.**

**So, I used the chapter 101 translations provided by Tombow on the fansite fullmetal-alchemist (dot) com for the first half to two-thirds of this, and Sugooi Scans' translation for the rest (from "I get it, Lieutenant" to the end), as the volume containing 101 hadn't been released in the U.S. at the time I wrote this.**

**Please leave a review! I want to know what works and what could use work!**


	83. Crowd

**83. Crowd**

**A/N: Song: "This Side" by Nickel Creek**

**Set a few minutes after the end of Kingly Ambitions, when Roy takes the reins to Amestris.**

Roy surveyed the crowd. So many, so very many people, joined by one almost cataclysmic event, and now, he really had his chance.

He was going to make a difference, he was going to change lives, and while he'd been doing so all along, he had the feeling that now, he was going to see results. _But only if they're willing to work with me. That's the catch. There's always a catch._

"You'll be fine," Riza said softly, suddenly at his side. "They'll be fine. We'll all be fine, but only if you have the confidence and the courage to lead them. Or rather, if you _use_ your confidence and courage to lead them. They're within you, and I know that, in front of all these people, it seems like it will be a monumental task. It will be. But you fought your way here so that you could lead them. So tell them what you came here to do." She paused. "A king cannot exist without his people, Sir," she murmured before retreating.

It was time. Roy faced the crowd and pulled his speech from his pocket. He was surprised to find a longhand copy in Riza's neatest handwriting. How had she…?

Roy shook his head. This moment was bigger than either of them. He could ask later. Right now, his focus needed to be on the crowd in front of him, no matter how much he wanted to look back at the one person who had stood by him for so long. She would always be there, as she was now, giving him the courage and confidence to go on.

Taking a calming breath, Roy smoothed the sheets and began.


	84. If you would only turn around

**84. If you would only turn around...**

**A/N: Song: "Moonlight and Madness" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra**

**Set during 95.**

_Just turn around, please! You don't even have to take a step, don't even have to lower your arm. You've come too far for it to end this way!_

She'd seen this look of despair so rarely, and hatred had contorted it into something hardly recognizable. This wasn't her Colonel. This wasn't the man who'd made promises and had done his best to keep them.

This was a monster.

She wanted to run, but instead, she'd raised a shaking hand and pointed the gun at his hand. _Don't make me use this, because I know you won't stop me if I do!_

Could she really use it, if she had to? She'd never believed this would happen, even after Maes's death. He'd nearly been destroyed by it, but he'd found the strength to live another day, and then another… She knew he'd never forgotten, but was revenge really the reason he'd been living all this time?

If it was, then she would have failed from the start, and Flame Alchemy was going to claim another victim—no—another _two_.

_He won't stop me from killing him, but would he stop me from killing me?_ She'd never thought about it until now, but there had been so many times he hadn't allowed her to give up, and there had certainly been times she'd wanted to do nothing else.

_Liar. Hypocrite. I won't let you._ With all the calm she could muster, she told him in no uncertain terms what was going to happen should he continue down the path of revenge, made it as painful as possible to hear.

His hand tensed, and, for a moment, her finger twitched on the trigger. _Turn around!_ She was screaming silently. _Turn around!_

There was a _snap_ and a _BOOM!_, and, miraculously, they were all still there. She looked around, searching frantically for the charred remains of whatever he'd hit.

Envy was still there, still practically begging to be killed.

_Please… turn around…_

He did, and though his expression was once again that of total despair and defeat, she knew it would be fine, that some day, this would all be just a horrible memory.

Unfortunately, for the moment, it was a horrible reality.

**A/N: I think I got whiplash reading those last two sentences. What is wrong with me?**


	85. Surprise Attack

**85. Surprise attack**

**A/N: Song: "Miss My Kisses" by Sara Watkins (I know it's kind of a breakup song, but it's pretty cute and suggests a playfulness.) **

**Continuation of 42. "Day Off"**

Roy had decided to take the afternoon off. He'd been surprisingly diligent about his work today. (Maybe it was the weather, he thought. It was too nice a day to miss.)

He hadn't known what to do, though, so now, he sat on a park bench, contemplating whatever came to mind.

And then, Hayate appeared.

"Whoa!" The puppy had just managed to stop before bowling completely into Roy, but still propped his front paws on the bench, begging to be scratched between the ears.

Roy obliged. "If _you're_ here…" He snagged Hayate's collar with a hand.

"Hayate!" Riza called, appearing a moment later. She hurried over to the bench, clipping Hayate back into his leash before she registered just who Hayate's "rescuer" was.

"Sir!"

"Afternoon, Hawkeye." Roy smiled. "How'd he get away?" he wanted to know, gesturing at Hayate.

Riza shook her head, thoroughly exasperated. "I have no idea, Sir."

Roy shrugged, allowing a bit of a smirk to enter his expression. "Well, if it means I get to spend the afternoon in your company, I think I can forgive such carelessness."

Shooting him a half-glare, Riza nodded. "Fair enough."

* * *

They had passed the afternoon and evening in pleasant conversation, quiet laughter, and calm companionship by turns. Hayate was acting normal after his mysterious bout of disobedience, and didn't even beg for scraps when they had dinner at a sidewalk café.

Now it was nearing twilight. The day was almost done.

Roy was in a bit of a wistful mood at the moment, standing outside Riza's apartment complex. After they parted ways, everything would go back to normal.

That in and of itself wasn't a bad thing, but he'd miss the time spent with Riza. The days he enjoyed the most were those he could spend informally. Information aside, that was about the only reason he frequented Chris's as often as he did. But even there, there was no substitute for Riza's company…

"Good night, Sir."

Roy blinked. "Huh? Oh… Good night, Lieutenant. I'll see you tomorrow."

Riza smiled softly, and Roy had the feeling that tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.


	86. Syllogism

**86. Syllogism**

**A/N: Song: "Don't Let Me Get Me" by P!nk**

**Set before the end of the manga, while Liore is still in turmoil.**

Roy sighed disgustedly, slamming the latest report from Liore on his desk, nearly tearing it with the nib of his pen as he scrawled a larger signature than usual across it.

Riza looked up from her desk. She'd read the report, and she'd known it would upset him, but it was his work, and he'd never let her hear the end of it if he didn't know what was going on. "You can say what's on your mind, Sir," she told him. While Roy tried to avoid rants in front of his subordinates, Riza knew that if he didn't say something, it would just sit and stew, and nobody would be happy by the end of the day.

His speech, however, was surprisingly short. (Not that she hadn't heard it all before, but, again, holding it in would help no one.) "We learn from history, and history repeats itself, so you'd think we'd learn from repetition." His grin contorted with irony, grief, and self-loathing. "But when it comes down to it, we don't."

Riza shook her head, disagreeing, "We learn, Sir, but there's some inevitability. Some events just keep on recurring, and all too often, it's _because_ we learned from history, and we either want it to happen again, or it's so disheartening that we ignore it entirely. It's not that we can't learn—it's because we do. But in learning, we also accomplish great things. Others, we discover through chance. It's never just the one path; it's always one of many. That's all we can ever be sure of."

Roy wasn't smiling, but his new contemplative expression was by far more serene than it had been, and that was all Riza knew she could ask for.

**A/N: I actually wrote the bulk of this when I first saw the prompt. It just worked.**

**Please let me know what you think! Leave a review!**


	87. Memories

**87. Memories**

**A/N: Song: "Memories" by Within Temptation**

**During the transition between 101 and 102.**

"_Colonel!"_

It wasn't possible—it couldn't be. She'd seen strange, horrific things, but the moment when Roy disappeared from sight far outstripped any of those.

She didn't know whether he was dead or alive, and the thought of whatever his toll might be for passing through the Gate and seeing the Truth was too terrifying to contemplate.

There had been a day during Roy's apprenticeship where he'd attempted to climb the tree Riza had been sitting in so he didn't have to call up to her to talk. One moment, he'd been stubbornly clinging to a branch; the next, he was nowhere to be seen. She'd looked around wildly, only after a moment's pause thinking to look to the ground, where he lay winded, but otherwise uninjured.

Other times, she'd been reading a book or cooking or just concentrating on something else, and though she could swear she'd looked away for only a fraction of a second, Roy would just disappear. She would look up, her heart skipping a beat, her eyes desperately seeking what was no longer there, her mind trying to make sense of it all.

He'd come back, though. Every single time.

Fear shattered Riza's heart. What if, this time, it was different?

**A/N: I've had a few close calls with friends and family, but I think this goes a step beyond.**


	88. Given Name

**88. Given Name**

**A/N: Song: "One Girl Revolution" by Superchick**

"I can't believe that actually worked!" Havoc sounded mystified. "I mean, sure, everyone _thinks_ you're together, but it's not like you'd do that sort of thing in the middle of a _mission_… would you?"

Roy and Riza were quick to shake their heads, and everyone sighed inwardly, relieved.

Perhaps telling every detail was a bad idea, but they were going to have to testify sooner or later, and each one's part was going to have to come out, for better or for worse. Certain bits could be (or already had been) fudged, and it wasn't as though none of them could lie convincingly, but it was agreed that Riza should be given props for her quick thinking, as risky as it had been.

They'd always used codenames or ranks in missions—never given names, except for Roy when he was the point of contact. With as many spies as the homunculi had in the military, it was remarkable that Envy fell for "the Colonel _always_ calls me Riza when we're alone" at all.

Then again, Riza's policy was that the best lies always had a bit of truth to them.

**A/N: I considered using "Shaking Hands" by Nickelback for this, but I knew I'd be in deep… yogurt… if I did, even though I'd only noticed it because Riza was willing to play dirty—she was implying quite the relationship there!**


	89. Ultimate Weapon

**89. Ultimate Weapon**

**A/N: Song: "Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata Ni" by Spontania feat. AZU**

**Set after Roy's team is split up.**

In a way, losing his team was good, Roy had to admit.

It meant that the homunculi and whoever led them were desperate to stop him. Of course, they knew about his plans, at least, in the general sense, but they were still scared. After Lust, it was obvious what they—Roy, in particular—could do if so provoked.

This was their last line of defense, and they were going to make it as painful for Roy and his team as possible. It was a mistake, the one that they really couldn't seem to learn from: time and again, they'd underestimated humans, let them live, assuming that the so called "inferior" ones would take care of themselves.

Their last chance was one Roy was determined to see fail. He'd bring them back. Knowing they were safe for now was just barely enough, and even though the return of his subordinates would just put them in further danger, at least he'd be able to do something for them.

It was funny, he thought, that he'd consider dying for them (if only as a last resort), if only he could see them—_all_ of them—again.

**A/N: So, the song and the drabble don't really match up at first glance. The drabble is the not-exactly-personal thoughts Roy's having about the split. That would make the song the more personal thoughts.**


	90. Hidden Expressions, Hidden Feelings

**90. Hidden Expressions/Hidden Feelings**

**A/N: Song: "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls**

Most days, they're good about it. No significant glances, no double entendres, not even a smile. But other days, it's horrible. Other days, they can barely stand all this sneaking around, all the secrecy and betrayal—what's it all for?

For the better, they have to remind themselves; for the sake of the future. They might not get their happy ending, and that's frustrating, but knowing that they might pave that road for future generations has to be enough.

And yet, sometimes, it still isn't, because sometimes, the problem is much simpler than that: they're tired of playing a game of lies and deceit, of having to be people they aren't. That's why they have each other: so that even when all else fails, there is still one person who knows who they really are.


	91. Kiss

**91. Kiss**

**A/N: Song: "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer**

The dishes needed doing. Dinner needed cooking. Her hands were cold. Her mother was dead. Her father was terminally ill, and would likely be furious if he found out. She carried a powerful, deadly secret on her back.

Strangely enough, Riza was finding that, at the moment, none of that mattered.

It was all still there, of course, but considering that she was gently leaning back against the counter, Roy's right hand covering her left (not to trap her there—it had just sort of landed there, but Riza wasn't going to complain), his lips barely skimming across hers, triggering something inside her that half-terrified her and at the same time made her yearn for more, it _just didn't matter._

In a moment (or a day, or a year… _sometime_), it was going to end, and she knew it, but for the moment, she couldn't bring herself to care. Even if their first kiss was just a quiet event between the two of them, it was still amazing; it was the first time Riza had felt like a "normal" teenager in a _long_ time.

_That_ was all that mattered.

**A/N: I love this song. So much. I love this paring. So much. I suck at writing kissing scenes. So much. But I had to write this, anyway.**

**So much. :D**


	92. Happiness?

**92. Happiness?**

**A/N: Song: "Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf**

Roy Mustang was an attention whore, and he knew it.

Correction: Roy Mustang was _perceived_ as an attention whore, and he knew it.

Really, he didn't enjoy being so out in the open; mutiny is hard to commit when your every move is being scrutinized by everyone from the janitors to the generals.

The janitors, he didn't really mind so much. They were sympathetic. The generals, however, were another story, sitting back on their asses, ordering underlings on pointless, brutal, even downright evil tasks. _(If you want something done right, do it yourself.)_

He liked to think they were secretly jealous.

Correction: He knew they were secretly jealous. Not-so-secretly, actually. They gossiped worse than their wives, and often within earshot.

So every once and a while, Roy sent a smirk their way. It was a sort of flirtation. "Come and get me," it said.

Oh wait—that's right—you _can't._

He took a sort of perverse enjoyment, trying to see how many different shades of red, purple, or any other color he could get a person to go.

He wasn't necessarily happy with the way things were, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to use them to his advantage. It was a game he was fairly certain he could win, but only fairly.

That was what made him unhappy.

**A/N: I realized the poetry (or irony…) of the lyrics only after I fully listened to the song.**


	93. Shackles

**93. Shackles**

**A/N: Song: "Not Gonna Get Us" by t.A.T.u.**

There are days where their hands, feet, and everything else are absolutely tied.

It's horrible.

You can't do this if you're below this rank or above that one. Salute your superior officers. Don't ever initiate eye contact with King Bradley. Get your paperwork in on time, in the right file, with all the right signatures, and be up-to-date on what it covers. (There will be a test on this Monday, Roy always adds to himself in a singsong voice.)

And those are just the hard-and-fast rules. The suggestions are many, and the worst two are the ones they've gone ahead and done.

Don't become attached, and don't even _think_ of betrayal.

Sometimes, they can swear they see and feel the bruises and the raw skin from manacles, and know that they could all too easily be real. It's a fine, fine line they walk, and one small miscalculation could send one or the other or both tumbling to their deaths.

Actually, if one goes, the other does, too. They are bound together, and there are days where it's hard not to feel like a prisoner to her nagging or his idiocy, but at the end of they day, there's something bigger than them, something that will take them both prisoner if they aren't careful.

And it's not the military and its laws.

**A/N: I hate to think of love as a set of shackles, but that's what I'm going for, here. We're all bound by something to this earth or to that person or this object or that idea, whether we know and/or admit it or not. (But really, to me, the scarier idea is having no attachments at all.)**


	94. From Yesterday

**94. From yesterday**

**A/N: Song: "I Have Seen the Rain" by P!nk**

Roy shot nearly straight up off his desk with a jolt, tensing for battle before realizing that he was still in the office, having fallen asleep after he'd completed his paperwork for the day.

It was all just a horrible, demented nightmare, but it had all been so _real: _blood and ashes and sand all ran together and the screams and pleas of the innocent and the laughter of the devils rang in his ears…

It had been so real because, at one point, it truly had been reality. He'd like to think it was actually worse in his nightmares, that he couldn't truly be as much of a monster as he had been, but he knew that wasn't so.

He _had been_ a monster.

For the first time, Roy realized that he had used the past tense. He had been, but that didn't mean that he was now. He'd seen the horrors and the atrocities and the crimes and violence and despair. That was what he'd set out to change, but to do that, he couldn't dwell on the past; what was done, was done, and he was trying to atone for it now.

He couldn't get stuck in it, but he couldn't forget it, either. He just had to accept it and move on as best he could.

That was how he would make it.

**A/N: To be somewhat continued in 95…**


	95. Now

**95. Now**

**A/N: Song: "Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse**

**Continuation to 94, a few years later.**

When he wasn't trapped in the past, he was mesmerized by the future, or so it seemed to Riza, and while one both learned from one's past mistakes and needed goals to lead them forward, it was only the present that could be directly dealt with.

She would sigh and roll her eyes a little and gently chide him—he wasn't actually doing anything wrong, unless his future still involved miniskirts. (She'd taken him to task on that a few times, and by sheer boyish stubbornness, he'd pretended to interpret that as her simply playing coy.)

Truth be told, she, too, would occasionally find herself caught in the past or the future, but farther back and farther forward than she cared to admit. He mostly schemed, she mostly dreamed, but she'd never tell him.

Or maybe she should. Her dreams for the future, for them, might be the one thing that would keep him on track.

Or it would just throw him off worse than ever.

Maybe she should just let him remember and dream.

Maybe.

**A/N: Aaaaand… continued directly in 96.**


	96. Tomorrow, Too

**96. Tomorrow, too**

**A/N: Song: "New Day" by Tamar Kaprelian**

**Direct continuation to 95.**

But there was no way around it—there were things that had to be done here and now.

"Sir," she said quietly, just loud enough to get his attention.

Roy blinked. "Wha—oh. Lieutenant, I'm sorry." He shook his head, smiling faintly. "I was just… thinking."

Riza raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"I just get so caught up in what I've done and what I've yet to do that sometimes, I have to think about what it's all for." He looked sheepish. "But I guess now isn't the time or the place, right?"

"It isn't," Riza agreed, "but I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the same thing. You just can't remain fixed on any one point in time—past, future, _or_ present—or you'll never accomplish anything. We all have dreams, Sir. If it weren't for our dreams of tomorrow, we wouldn't be here."

"…But there are still things we have to do today to make tomorrow possible," Roy added pragmatically, sighing a bit wistfully.

He really didn't mind doing even the most tedious things, truth be told, because if tomorrow was assured, that would be one more day that they would be together, one more day full of chances to make her smile and laugh and hear her thoughts and dreams.

_Tomorrow,_ he thought, grabbing a pen. _You'll be here, tomorrow, too._

**A/N: Cheesy. Yep, cheesy. But don't tell me you don't appreciate it on some level. We all need cheese sometimes.**


	97. If I Die

**97. "If I die"**

**A/N: Song: "Wherever You Will Go" by the Calling **

**Just-post-"will you follow me?"/"I'll follow you into Hell"…**

"Into Hell, huh?" Roy was mulling it over, starting to realize just what he was getting her into, but he couldn't take it back. "I know you can take care of yourself perfectly well, and I know that you'll always watch out for me, but when I say Hell, I mean it. Neither of us can know what's going to happen, and if… if I… if something happens to me, and I can't go on, I don't know that I could forgive myself or ask you to forgive me for putting you in this position and then failing to keep my promises."

Part of him wanted to blame her. After all, she'd joined the military knowing full-well what that entailed, but still being naïve enough to think that things could change so quickly. _And whose fault was that again?_ a voice at the back of his head jibed. _Who made those promises? Who led her to believe just so he could get his hands on a deadly weapon that's done far more harm than it ever will good?_

But he'd cared for her. He still did, and always would. And right now, it was tearing him to pieces between wanting to ensure her safety, and wanting her to know that he trusted her decisions.

"Sir…" Riza's voice called him back to the present. He nodded that he was listening, and she continued, looking somewhat unsettled, herself.

"I understand that you're worried. I can't say that your fear is entirely unfounded…" She sighed. "And even if it were, I wouldn't be able to chastise you, because I've just agreed to protect your back. I've worried since you left my father's, but now that it's my responsibility, I have to ask myself constantly, what will happen to you if _I_ die?"

As relieved as Roy was that he wasn't perpetuating a complete double standard, a terrifying thought quickly overwhelmed him: It was bad enough to contemplate one of them dying, but that they had just had this conversation told him that one of them losing the other would be worse, because it wouldn't just be the person lost; it would be the other's way of life, too.

**A/N: I think I might be treading perilously close to "I can't live without you" as opposed to "I don't want to live without you", so I want you all to know that I mean more of the latter than the former.**


	98. After the Rain

**98. After the rain**

**A/N: Song: "Tobira no Mukou e" by Yellow Generation**

**Takes place fairly early on in Central. (You'll see why this is necessary to say.)**

Two sets of boots click-clacked their way down the steps of Central HQ.

And then came the splash.

Roy pulled a face. Stupid puddle was always there after a rainstorm, and you'd think he'd know that by now, but _no. _Roy was a wishful thinker, and at the moment, it was to his disadvantage.

He sighed.

Riza smiled. She knew she didn't have to say anything—Roy was the only one who had to put up with himself at the end of the day, and he would, if only because tomorrow was another day.

_If a rainy one._ The sky was still clouded over, but it was breaking up to the west. Both of them winced as late afternoon sunlight glanced off the wet pavement and hit their eyes at just the right angle. Roy shut his eyes, and Riza put up a hand to shield hers.

"Hey, if I go blind, will I have to do paperwork?" Roy half-joked.

Riza rolled her eyes and nudged his shoulder. "Don't even _think_ that, Sir. We've got too far to go."

"Yeah, but we've come pretty far, too," he pointed out. He thought for a moment, then made a derisive noise. When Riza glanced at him quizzically, he explained, "After the rain comes the sun, but somehow, it seems like the sun won't really shine until all this is over. Kinda makes me feel like the rain, and I'm useless when it's raining."

"The sun still shines when it's raining," Riza reminded him. "You might not be able to see it, but it's there, burning brightly as ever, and when the rain is done and the clouds are gone, it'll come out again."

How she managed to say what he needed to hear, Roy didn't know, but he was thankful for it. Smiling softly, he took her hand, intertwining his fingers loosely with hers, but shielding it from view.

After the rain came the sun, and at moments like this, he could really feel its warmth.

**A/N: More cheese! More fluff!**


	99. Welcome Home

**99. "Welcome home"**

**A/N: Song: "Just the Two of Us" by Bill Withers**

"Home is where the heart is."

Cheesiest.

Saying.

_Ever._

(Un)Fortunately, that didn't stop it from being true, Roy reflected. As snarky as he'd been whenever Maes used this particular "get yourself a wife" tactic (once, he'd even snapped, "Then I guess my home's in my chest, isn't it?"), the places he felt most at home had nothing in common save that the people he cared about most were there.

Not that he'd ever say so—it would be absolutely pathetic, and he was sure that she… _they!_ That _they_ knew.

He hated, despised, and absolutely _loathed_ making that slip, even if it was only to himself. Unfortunately, it was just as true as that saying. If there was one person he felt at home with, always and every time, it was Riza.

And on the days when he wondered if he'd ever make it, she kept him going, by hook or by crook, whether she knew it or not. So, he'd do it. He'd make it. For himself, for her, for everyone.

No matter how cheesy it sounded.

**A/N: If you spy the obvious nod to "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog", you win. I don't know what you win, but you win.**


	100. Until That Day

**100. Until that day**

**A/N: Song: "Hero" by Nickelback**

**Pretty much a direct continuation of 98.**

"I'll make it."

He'd been so quiet that he'd surprised Riza. She glanced over and up at him.

Before she could say anything, though, Roy quickly added, "I know you're not doubting me, and that I'm facing just the regular opposition, but I just had to say it."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Sir." Riza still sounded a little bit confused.

Roy's expression remained somewhat serious, but he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and they continued in silence for a while.

"I'll stand beside you."

Now it was Roy who looked surprised, but Riza cut him off as he had her. "I know you never said otherwise, but it had to be said."

"I'd never _say_ otherwise, either," he corrected. "I _know_ you'll be there; I could never doubt that. Until that day, no matter what, you'll be by my side."

Riza nodded. "Until that day… and every day after, too."

Roy now smiled and, dropping Riza's hand, wrapped it around her waist. He didn't have to say anything—they always knew, and always would know what the other would say—but he was going to.

"I like the sound of that. _Until that day, and every day after._"

The sunlight bounced off the puddles and windows, and everything blazed orange as the sun began to set. Roy and Riza continued to walk, glad just to be able to do that.

_Until that day…_

**A/N: That last little bit made a better image in my head than on paper, but I had to keep it. Just had to.**

**So, as usual, it's time to thank those of you who have left evidence of reading.**** First off, to Lou Nebin and Red Amaranth, who have reviewed pretty much every single chapter. (As I've said before, I know that it can take a lot of time to do so, so this is an above-and-beyond thing, and even just favoriting this and/or putting it on alert means a LOT to me, too!) StarryPink's also been there for a lot of them, so there's that special mention. And now, to those other wonderful people: RoyxRizaFan, GeMikanXIII, Lain-san, hand-made-city, Lady Norbert, mebh, lyrical-harmonies, Universal Bunny, InuLoveKawaii13, animelover199514 and SomethingOrOtherAlchemist.**

**Well, thank you all for coming on this journey… **_**again.**_** It's been great fun, and I've loved every minute of it! I'm going to keep on reading, reviewing, and writing. See you later!**

**~js589**


End file.
